What If I Don’t Make It?
The future scares me.
That’s probably the most honest thing I’ve ever said — and written.
A few months ago, while preparing for the UPCAT, I found myself drowning in “what ifs.”
What if I don’t make it?
What if I fail?
What happens after that?
To be real with you, these thoughts weren’t just passing fears. They lived in my head rent-free, 24/7. I couldn’t sleep without imagining failure. I couldn’t plan for next week without thinking it might not even matter. And you know what made it worse?
Everyone else seemed to have a backup plan. I didn’t.
I’d hear friends say things like,
“If not UPCAT, then maybe UST or La Salle.”
“If not this, then that.”
But for me? There was no “then that.” There was only this. Only UPCAT. Only one shot.
And that felt terrifying.
The Pressure of Time
It hit me one night — how fast time passes. One moment I was a nervous 7th grader trying to find my classroom, and the next, I was in Grade 12 facing the biggest exam of my life.
⏳ Time moves fast.
🧠 And fear moves even faster.
I tried distracting myself, scrolling endlessly, watching others post their achievements. But the fear kept creeping in — quiet, heavy, and real.
I kept asking myself: What if all this effort leads to nothing?
A Note to Anyone Who Feels This Too
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I’ve felt the same” — you’re not alone.
Here are a few things I want you to remember (things I remind myself too):
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✅ You are not your results.
Exams don’t define your worth — your effort, your persistence, your resilience, that’s what truly counts.
✅ Fear is normal.
If you’re scared, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you care. It means you’re human.
✅ Having no backup plan doesn’t mean you have no future.
You’ll find your way — whether Plan A works out or not. Life isn’t linear. Some of the most successful people took detours they never expected.
✅ Keep going. Even if it’s slow.
Even on days when you feel like giving up, show up. That’s the hardest part, and you’re already doing it.
UPCAT Weekend: A Rollercoaster
UPCAT weekend arrived like a storm. I remember waking up with my heart in my throat. The exam hall felt like a battlefield. I was terrified but weirdly calm too — like I had made peace with the fact that I was giving it my all, no matter the outcome.
And here’s the thing:
When I walked out of that room, I didn’t know if I aced it or not.
But I knew I had faced one of my biggest fears.
And that alone felt like a win.
My Closing Thought
To anyone out there — maybe you’re an incoming senior, or maybe you’re just quietly battling your own fears — I want you to know:
It’s okay to be scared of the future.
But don’t let that fear paralyze you.
Let it push you. Let it remind you that what you’re doing matters. That the struggle is real because your dreams are real.
💬 Feel free to share your own story in the comments or DM me if you’re in the same boat. This space is a safe space. We’re all figuring it out.
Let’s keep trying. Let’s keep going.
We’re gonna make it — somehow, some way.
Notes for You (if you’re in the thick of it right now):
- Create a study plan that actually works for you. Not what TikTok StudyTok tells you.
- Rest isn’t laziness. Rest is preparation.
- Celebrate the tiny wins. You studied 2 hours today? That’s progress.
- Talk to people. Talk to yourself. Talk to me. But don’t bottle it all in.
