Let go!
I laugh with people.
I work my 9 — 5.
I eat good food.
I see these beautiful places.
All the while struggling and pretending
the world is still enough
Without you!
Somehow,
you are everywhere —
in the silence
between conversations,
in the majestic mountains,
in my hopes
in my dreams
in my favorite songs.
I wish this feeling
had never found a home
in this heart.
But unfortunately,
it did!
And now the thoughts don’t seem to leave
Me alone,
They just get quieter
when I am louder.
But I cant shout all the time ?!
I wish you could see
what this has cost me.
What you mean to me.
How many pieces
of myself I hide
so I don’t become
Too much.
Too thorny, too heavy,
Too difficult for you to hold.
How do I rip off this bandaid
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when the wound underneath
is you?
Which once felt
Like healing
But now feels more
Like tearing
the best feeling
Off of you?
I know that its not
how love works.
Love is not sympathy.
Love is not empathy.
It is not convincing someone
that your pain
is big enough
for them to stay.
You can’t hurt enough
to be chosen!
And still —
This feels too good
to give up on.
Too good
to simply let go!
At least
for this hopeless romantic
who is not ready yet
to lose hope.
I need to let go!
I am learning surely
Though slowly.
I hope someday —
these pieces will find their place
For it to all make sense ?!
Or maybe —
I will look back and wonder
How did she ever think
That this was the end?!
