Thoughts #16
My JBL on the volume set to make my ears ring and the atoms containing my body break apart. My heart is deconstructing and rebuilding to a totally new design. All the while, with each replay, rewind, and skip to the bridge, my eyes are restless and burning red. Gripping the steering wheel of my beat-up Corolla and hitting class A misdemeanor speeds down the one lane back road to the only 24-hour grocery store. All for a pack of pens (when I only need one), and a basic spiral notebook. There weren’t enough ink and paper in my small apartment that could keep my thoughts from driving me mad. I feel my pulse radiating from my chest to the carpal tunnel ridden wrists I clench in its proper form, scribbling like a psychopathic woman running towards a semi just for the thrill of it. This wave of fearlessness is forcing its erratic ideas into my brain, setting off each individual circuit until my nervous system explodes. I’ve fought this passion with might, drenched in resentful dishonor. Warning that if I leapt towards the future once again, I’d fall to my demise. And yet, my fire has become untamable, almost lethal. Spreading wide across every word that my pen creates with the mind of someone so deeply enthralled by a person they’d never met in the flesh.
I meet your eyes in the dreams that visit my subconscious. Our paths cross in every other memory. Your smile imprinted on my lips from a life I once lived. The nights of imagining you in my arms as we step in a rhythm only, we recall. And I promise I’ll wait however long it takes. Until I get the call as you take off on the next flight to my city. Photos of the Chicago skyline, pending behind airplane mode on your phone. The anticipation awaiting at the gates, sprinting through frequent flyers and early summer vacations. Scanning every face, praying mine is the next one you see. Tears welling in my eyes as they find the glow of your presence across the baggage claim lines. Our feet ignore all common sense, Cinderella and her charming prince rushing in a panic, hoping not a second of it was spent asleep inside a fairy tale. Thunder rolling outside after a ceaseless drought, our energy igniting the electricity of the Gods that comes back in lightning sparks.
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And right then, my eyes make one request. To just take my hand and escape the normal and boring. Embrace the authenticity of our love and leave behind the doubts around us. Dance in the rain showers and let the whole world become something entirely different. Hands on my waist, hoisting me up to the clouds and watch me spread my wings. Join me in soaring across our past and expanding the present into a future worth experiencing.
Come live another lifetime with me,
It’s never too late to follow the path you’re afraid to travel on.
Just know I’ll be waiting for you on the other side.
