He has been around the world and led Atomic00 everywhere from the grocery store to the foothills of England. His name is Al, but he prefers to go by the alias “Big T.” Recently, we had the opportunity to sit down with Big T and discuss some of the issues important to active feet.
AP: Thank you for agreeing to talk to us. Is there a title or name by which you like to be addressed?
BT: Thanks for having me Larry. You can call me Big “T.”
AP: Let’s begin at the beginning. How was your upbringing?
BT: Let me tell you, it was no picnic. At first, it was okay, but things changed when he turned eight and started taking Judo.
AP: Has your relationship improved?
BT: For a long time, it was great. Then, somehow, he thought it was a good idea to get together with his coworker and practice kickboxing. I had trouble getting my bearings since I was being whipped around. Everything was blurry, then BAM! I hit some pad. I was slapped around more than a crosswalk button.
AP: What are your gripes?
BT: Being stuffed into a sock THEN shoved into a shoe? It’s like an exercise in how to survive a Black Site. I can’t see Jack, so I have NO idea where we are going. Wintertime is okay; at least I stay pretty warm. Summer really sucks, especially if it is a running day. Then it’s a gazillion degree, sweat-inducing, monotonous cycle of up and down.
AP: If you could ask Atomic any question that you have been too afraid to ask up until now, what would you ask him?
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BT: Who the hell owned that sleazy pair of feet with the silver nail polish? She was all over me and I never even knew her name…
AP: If you were in charge, how would you change your relationship with Atomic?
BT: First thing I would do is put a baclava (backwards) on his face and stuff him into a box. The man could use a little bit of perspective. Don’t worry though: I’ll take him out before the screaming stops.
AP: What’s the best part of being the big toe?
BT: It’s not the exotic locales, I can tell you that. Don’t even get me started on the men’s locker room at the gym. I guess the best part is knowing that I am the leader. No matter where we go, I’m always in the lead. That is, unless he’s walking backwards of course. But he only does that when he’s drunk.
AP: I have heard that Atomic likes to dance. Is he any good?
BT: (laughs) Larry, this guy dances as if he’s got two of me! No coordination at all! I usually try to coordinate with Dave (big toe on the right foot), but it’s difficult since we usually can’t see each other. Currently, we are in negotiations with the hands to see if we can work out an elaborate set of signals. We need all the help that we can get.
AP: Describe to me the most upsetting moment you have had being Big “T”.
BT: (Thoughtful pause) One time, we were visiting his parents. We woke up and walked out into the hallway. We were dazed from being sleepy and didn’t see the cat puke on the floor. Next thing I know, we were hobbling to the nearest faucet. I swear if I were a mouth, I would have been yakking up something fierce.
AP: If you could say anything to the world, what would you say?
BT: Take care of your feet, we are the only pair you have. Peg legs and space-age plastics are no substitutes for good old-fashioned feet. It’s really a thankless job, especially for the poor soles that have the odor/fungus problems. Thankfully, Atomic doesn’t let me get stinky; I wouldn’t be able to live with myself otherwise. But we do the supporting and get you where you want to go. I’m not asking for a lot, but we need love too.
AP: Finally, what makes you laugh?
BT: Curly Elf shoes.
