Control Freak
Type A vs Type B, what would you rather? There are stigmas against each, but both can be appreciated in their own ways. Planning a vacation? I’m worshipping the ground my Type A friend walks on when I’m sipping a pina colada on a beach in Greece. Going out to the bar? I’m kissing my Type B friend on the cheek for getting me to go out and be carefree (even though I’ll regret that in the morning when I wake up in a random man’s bed.) Well, what’s bad about them? It revolves around the amount of control they try to exert. Type B either don’t feel they have the authority to have control or just don’t care about the effort of using it. Type A have an iron grip on their sense of control, either out of arrogance (in the nicest way I can point that out,) or are insecure enough to feel exerting control is how they can feel more confident. I am one of those people.
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When I was very young, I was a diva, or so I’m told. I was sassy, a little bitchy, and a priss. Then out of nowhere, well, I’m sure the pandemic attributed to this, I was an anxious wreck. I wanted to stay home all the time, I hated going out in public. Even going to hang out with a group of friends would send me into hysterics. I was so hung up on how people would view me, that I didn’t even want to give them the chance. Obviously, I couldn’t live like that forever. To get over this horrible social anxiety, I made my own philosophy: Before anyone can come up with their own image of you, make one for them.
And so came my need for control- my control freak transformation, if you will. And back to my original query, I don’t know if it’s healthy or not. Or, the best route. I am very concerned with how people view me, so I work hard to craft a version of me that I like in their heads. I am outgoing and funny, probably a bit boisterous at times, a little slutty. But someone fun to be around, and personable too. And that’s not to say this is all an act- I think this is just me on steroids. But I like myself this way, it’s just not how I am when I’m alone. But isn’t everyone like that? A different person with and without people? Seriously, tell me what you think, I’m curious now.
