S.D.
I fall asleep when the sun rises and awake near sunset.
Sunsets happen so early nowadays anyways.
I look out the window only to be greeted with a deep darkness for the entirety of the time that I’m awake.
At this rate I am a nocturnal animal.
At this rate I am simply in hibernation.
I haven’t opened the front door in three days.
I did the same last week.
I’ve been stuck on a lyric by Orion Sun, “It’s a mile to the front door.”
It really does feel like a mile, and I haven’t been properly preparing for it.
I’m falling behind in the race.
I haven’t been motivated to workout to even run that race at all lately.
I’ve been unmotivated to do anything at all.
Even though I know that I have to do things so that things get better, I still remain, still.
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I know that this funk that I am in is not a permanent one, just merely a cloud above my head that will pass.
Even though I know this, I also know that I am an impatient creature.
I’m letting my worst judgement put me on a “bad choice road.”
The worst partss of me are showing.
I can’t wait to be my best self again.
I can’t wait to be productive again.
I can’t wait to have fun again.
The only joy I find is in overeating and oversleeping, until I feel the regret my body feels from doing both.
The only joy I find is in procrastinating by gaming bed-rotting on Twitter, then YouTube, then NBA League Pass until the day is over and into the next.
The days have just rolled over into each other, days full of darkness, when I look outside, and when I reflect inside.
Cloudy vision projecting darkness in the life of the wild animal.
Wake me up when Winter is over.
Notes:
Been feeling super-eh lately, in a funk, wanted to write this and share it with only the closest people to me. This in itself is a sign that I will be doing better, since I at least got the motivation to write and share it. I’m not sure it is good, but I know it may be relatable to others. It helped me feel better, so I fuck with what it has done for me. I don’t usually write in this type of style anyways, so it was a fun challenge. Hope y’all are all doing well.
