Beyond Behaviour
What we see vs What it is — A Leadership Lesson in Empathy
A few years ago, I had a team member — Amit Kumar who had always been reliable and proactive. But over time, something changed.
He started missing deadlines. His emails were short, sometimes even rude. In meetings, he barely spoke, and when he did, he sounded frustrated.
At first, I thought he had lost motivation in his work. Maybe he wasn’t happy with his role coz he wasn’t putting in the effort anymore.
One day, after another missed deadline, I called him in for a chat. I was ready to be firm about expectations. But before I could say much, Amit’s voice broke.
“I’m really sorry,” he said. “My father has been in the hospital for weeks. I’ve been managing hospital visits, financial stress, and work. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to seem weak.”
Suddenly, everything made sense.
His disengagement wasn’t laziness, it was exhaustion. His short responses weren’t disrespectful, they were stress and burnout.
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I had judged his behaviour without understanding the real reason behind it.
I learned an important lesson that day about empathy and non-judgment.
🔸Every behaviour is a sign. People rarely act out for no reason.
🔸Instead of assuming, asking ‘what’s going on’ can probably help them.
🔸 A little kindness can make a big difference.
If I had that conversation early on, Amit could’ve felt more supported. Nevertheless, after that conversation, I asked Amit how I could support him. We adjusted his workload, and over time, he found his way back.
Since then, I’ve looked at these “bad behaviours” differently. It helps me a great deal in parenting my teen son as well.
And when I saw this illustration I was reminded once again about how what we see is only the tip of the iceberg.
Everyone is fighting a battle we cannot see or understand and so having a bit of empathy, a little kindness can go a long way in building and maintaining relationships.
Have you ever misjudged someone’s behaviour, only to later realise there was more to the story? How did it change your perspective?
Would love to hear from you.
#leadership #coaching #empathy #emotionalintelligence #psychologicalsafety #growthmindset #leadershipcoaching
