Thunderstorms
There is a lot that wants to come out of me and often it does. Like a quote, Reality is the product of chance that we call fate.
It’s sometimes tiresome in ways I feel, about things that make me feel difficult emotions. I don’t prefer it, who does? but even a tree has its seasons that bear fruits, and leaves, draws shade for the living and otherwise nothing but a skeleton. I am not preaching but rather searching through writing. Trying to give meaning to these feelings.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I don’t know if what I feel matters in this world! I seek a sense of security from all of this accumulated energy present in me. In the end, we want to matter, I want to be otherwise I wouldn’t even find existence of my happiness. By matter I don’t seek it outside, maybe partially if I am honest but that doesn’t fill my greed or need. I seek it from myself, some from the universe in an unwavering thread, that yeah there is a point to all this existence rather than you just being created by chance. I would like to believe there is a reason, there is fate, you matter, and your coming in this world matters where infinite blessings reside along with curses.
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I want to matter; my happiness, and my suffering and by writing they do even if it is a lie, I choose to be ignorant here because the option other than this is just too hard to bear and I am happy to admit I am a weak person trying to get by. And they do matter by my writing and by a simple thing I forget, we all do. Family, I need them and they need me. They give meaning to my existence and I hope I give some to theirs. And with the bonds; We have, We lost, We will make, it all seems perfect sometimes. The balance of things, how they turn out to be, they give matter to my existence and I do the same for them, good and bad.
I wish I had better words like I always do.
PS: The title doesn’t have to do it what I was writing, I just like thunderstorms and rain too much. Lmao!
