I didn’t know it was goodbye
but you did, somehow
that too long, too tight hug
where I squirmed just a smidge
and then it was over
my biggest regret
I ran to join my friends
another farewell
with the promise of visit in 5 years’ time
11 years ago
We left: October 19, 2010
there was no time to miss you
in the new world
no time
no time
no time to miss your home-cooked meals
no time to miss your flowery fabric softener smell
no time to miss your whispered prayers
no time to miss your exasperated “Mariah”
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no time to miss your salt and pepper hair
no time to miss your kind and gentle voice
no time to miss your presents
no time to miss your presence
I protected my heart from the loss of you
as years went by, all I had were memories
But
I didn’t know how much it would hurt
when we faded from yours
and you faded from us
You left: October 19, 2016
a cruel reminder
that the new world and the old
were one and the same
seizing breath from heaving lungs
I gripped the counter
knuckles white and trembling
mirroring the mirror
in my mind
sadness and guilt locked in a perpetual spar
out my mouth
apologies and I love yous
I knew it wasn’t going to be easy
I just didn’t expect it to be so hard
saying goodbye to a familiar stranger
I used to think love conquered all
but all it did was kill you
I miss you eternally
