Lost behind Filters
Just a Story of Finding Answers & Filtered versions
We don’t know where life takes us, but we keep going every day with hope, fear, anger, frustration, sadness — and there are so many feelings we can go with. Half of the time, we can’t even pinpoint them because it’s too hard to know what exactly we’re feeling, especially when we’re going through something hard.
And then I wonder — what’s hard?
Hundreds of things, situations, and feelings to process can be hard. It can vary depending on what kind of person you are, what kind of people are around you, and what kind of life you have. But then I wonder how we label ourselves, others, and our lives. Is it based on the kind of society or culture we live in? Or is it because somebody once told us, “This is how your life is,” when we were younger?
So, this thought brings me to reality: if I was labeled awkward by people around me, then why am I awkward? Because according to society or culture, I’m supposed to be socializing with everyone. But if I look into myself — it’s hard for me. Most of the time, I don’t want to socialize.
And then I think, why?
And the why comes with the answers, saying it’s fear. And fear of what? Maybe being judged, not meeting people’s expectations, fear of being bullied, fear of being vulnerable — because someone might use it against you — or just fear of being yourself, because society might not accept you as you are.
But if they don’t accept you — who cares?
Even if you don’t care, they’ll make you care about it because the whole society will be against you for being who you are. And then fear will make you add filters so that you can survive.
We talk about mental health issues these days, and all we do is try to understand how to identify our emotions and then how to ground ourselves to feel better. But where does all of it come from?
From all the filters we put on.
We learn to put these filters from a very young age, and we get so lost in these filters that we cannot even see ourselves fully.
So should we remove the filters and not use them?
Let’s see what happens if we take them out. Do you think someone will still take advantage of you if you are your innocent self? Do you think if we let a person be themselves, then they won’t have any issues? If they want something — even if they can’t afford it — would they be okay?
Yes, probably.
But think — if the same thing 10 people want, and we only have 4, then what do we do?
Maybe some of them will say, “It’s okay,” but not all of them. So it looks like the world will still be a chaotic place, even if we take out the filters.
So now what?
The real world is like this, and we can all see it. We have a lot of feelings, and everybody’s feelings and emotions vary because everyone is a different individual — even if they are similar, they are not the same.
But these filters are not helping us, because we are losing ourselves in them. We are losing ourselves in what people label us as — and we believe it. We are unable to connect with ourselves deeply, again — because of the filters.
Now the question is: how do we keep our feelings and filters, but also not lose ourselves?
So that we don’t feel lost when we are going through something hard — and that could be something like not getting what you want for whatever reason.
How do you grieve it and still get over it?
That is where the mental health professionals come in.
Let’s go a little bit into the background — from when you were born up until now. As our philosophers and psychologists have said, we are born with a clean slate because a baby doesn’t know a single thing — not even an apple.
But the parents of this baby had their own separate lives, and they are going to raise this baby based on their values, experiences, and whatever new information they think might be good. Because everybody wants to do a perfect job raising a baby — but that never happens, because there is no perfect.
The baby will still cry. They will still be unhappy when they are an adult.
So we just need to learn how to meet ourselves — so that no matter what happens in life, we would still be home to ourselves. We will know if we need support — or we will be okay on our own.
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We humans talk about so many things — how to raise a baby and what values to give them — but is there a right way to do anything?
No.
All we can do is try to find ways to know ourselves and just be there for ourselves.
Sometimes I talk about these things too — it feels like nonsense — because you cannot do this all the time. There are days you will love just lying on your bed, staring at the ceiling, because that’s something you needed. And some days you will go crazy trying to finish something on your list.
So we keep changing every time we lose ourselves somewhere.
Nobody knows the right answer, if you’re looking for one. But you know — this is life. And we keep going, whatever happens.
And you know what? I don’t know much. But up until now, there were some days when I didn’t want to live anymore.
But you are reading this — because I am alive.
I am still here because I fought my inner battles. But it’s not done — some days are so great, and other days, new battles come in. This is what life is coming up as for me.
You might see some people lose their battles, and some come out better than they ever were. But it’s the cycle — and we are all part of it.
So it’s okay too — whatever you are doing. It’s okay to feel you are left behind, because you have standards for yourself, and this feeling will make you match your standards.
Usually we ask ourselves or others, “What’s life?” And people give answers like “Life is a scary ride,” or “Life is love,” — things like that. But it’s all their versions.
And they might feel this for a while, and change their statement later because of what they went through — or some shift they had.
So just like this — there’s no one thing or solution to anything. There are so many variations, so many versions, so many individuals with their own minds — and the power to direct their minds wherever they want… or let society or other people take charge.
So it’s all just very unpredictable, uncertain, and very spiraling — just like this piece I wrote.
You might agree with it — or not.
Some might say it makes sense, and some might say it’s just confusing. And whatever you think about this could be either what came out from your actual self — or from one of your filtered versions, which was affected by your experiences, values, or society.
This piece might feel like a betrayal to some — because it starts with relatability and hope for the right answers, but then it goes back into the uncertainty you might already be feeling.
So I can’t give you your answers.
But only you can.
We read so many self-help books — some based on psychological strategies, some religious, and some from the writer’s experiences. I think I’ve read all types, and all of them help you in different ways. But you might not find them fully helpful.
So we take what we like — and leave everything else behind.
Even if you read all those books, they might give you something, and maybe take you a bit closer to your own answers — but they won’t give you the one answer.
It’s your mind, your life — and just like we’ve heard, you are the driver of your life.
All the signs on the road will take you toward your destination — but not every ride is smooth.
You might come across some construction detours. Someone might tell you to use another route — and you might follow it, or not. You could get lost. You might not like the way — but still reach your destination. Or you might find your own way.
Another possibility? You might get stuck there for a long time.
Just like books, we have different people in our lives too. And for those who don’t enjoy books — they might try to find these answers from people around them, or from movies.
So look — there are so many things that could happen, and we can talk about the what-ifs for hours.
But even that won’t give you your answers.
I apologize if I can’t give you your answers, but I hope this piece at least takes you one step further. Your first step was questioning it, next looking for answers, and reading this piece could be one of your many steps towards finding your answers.
