The Bittersweet Exit
Recently, I moved on from a job of a few years to pursue a new opportunity that I am really excited about. I felt a lot of conflicting emotions that I didn’t think I could feel in relation to a job, so I felt the need to try and articulate the feelings.
Starting a new job almost always has connotations of hope and excitement associated with it. Accepting an offer usually implies an improved state from the previous state of employment. Starting a new job also implies the end of something preceding — whether it is a previous job, college life, or even temporary retirement.
Starting a job implies exiting from something existing. I expect any form of exit brings some form of mixed emotions.
For better or for worse, I have had to exit several roles in my career. My most recent exit caused me to really reflect and weigh choices. In my ultimate decision, the excitement and the optimism of the new role outweighed the regret, but I felt enough regret that I had to acknowledge it. I had to introspect on what really was different.
Handling Exits
Exits should be graceful and professional, even though sometimes they are not. Having handled a lot of exits over the course of my career (whether it was me saying goodbye or someone on my team moving on), I feel I have learned what professional should feel like. I am sure we’ve all heard the advice of not burning bridges and not being disruptive. If you strip away all the emotion, it is really a transaction, just about as mundane as cancelling a subscription, or moving to a new residence.
But even with a lot of transactions, you can not truly strip away all the emotions. Leaving an old residence might imply losing touch with neighbors you cared about. When leaving jobs I have felt the regret of not seeing teammates I had grown close to. I would miss having philosophical reflections (or even debates) with other coworkers. In some cases I felt the loss of an amenity I has started to take for granted.
This time it was different
A couple of things stuck me as different this time.
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One was a sense of unfinished business. Between and ongoing project as well as building a team, I was leaving the field before the game was over (albeit that there were several competent players still on the field). The work would go on and even flourish without me, but I did feel a pang of sadness giving up something I owned. I am proud of the work I was part of, and I am confident in the people carrying it forward. The letting go is always the hard part.
The second thing that struck me was how some of the people I worked with were truly sad. I daresay that to my knowledge my teams have never been happy to see me go, but this time I felt the sadness more strongly especially because I know everyone was wishing me well at the same time.
Researchers who study trends in work, business, and professional lives often emphasize how it is important for employees to feel valued. I truly felt valued.
What not to do
An ungraceful exit likely ends in bitterness. In my career I have also learned how not to exit.
At one of my very first jobs there was a manager who couldn’t wait to quit. He kept saying that the day would come when he would walk up to the boss’ office, tell him he was leaving, and then take off his shirt, wave and it over his head dramatically, and walk off. While this dramatic exit didn’t actually happen, it is sort of a morbid image in my head, and something I would never advocate doing. I have also seen several instances of people being let go without compassion — again not something I would condone.
My own experiences have been mixed — on one occasion an employer made an effort to retain me, although it involved more bullying than I would have appreciated. There was another instance when the employer I was exiting pretended I was not leaving, and just kept trying to operate business as usual.
I am truly glad those are behind me. I can actually cherish the memory of my most recent role.
In conclusion
My recent introspection brought back memories from long forgotten times. I reflected and relived the experiences, some of them pleasant and some of them not so much.
All this was not an effort to soul search and come up with recommendations on how to treat life and work, or even commentary on social trends like The Great Resignation. It was an effort to understand that even though my excitement for my new role is undiminished, what is it that made me feel some of the sadness, and why was it truly a “tough decision”.
Even though the previous chapter ended, it is going to be an experience and memory I cherish, and my future decisions will be the better for it.
