For Every Heart That Has Lost Someone It Loves
If you have lost someone you love, I manifest and set the intention that these words will help you heal. And if they don’t, I hope they remind you that you are seen, your grief is valid, and you are not alone.
I have gone through a profound loss myself, the loss of my husband, who was not just the centre of my universe but my entire universe. Our identities were so deeply intertwined that I had no sense of a separate me and a separate him. We simply existed as us.
After his sudden death, I was shattered in ways that words can never fully express.
I know there are many people navigating the painful landscape of loss, grappling with hopelessness, emptiness and countless unanswered questions. We try desperately to find answers, to understand why things happened the way they did, and to make sense of something that often seems impossible to comprehend.
There are so many emotional undercurrents that accompany loss, and each person experiences them differently.
Understanding the Journey of Grief
The journey of recovery is never linear. Some days are tougher than others. There are days when we may feel a little stronger, only to find ourselves overwhelmed by grief all over again.
Hence, I am not going to offer pointers, rules or a prescribed formula for navigating grief. Every person’s experience is different.
For some, grief enters like a raging storm; for others, it erupts like a volcano. Sometimes it is a quiet ache that stays with us, even when the world around us continues as usual.
After my loss, I experienced what felt like different stages of grief: numbness, denial, overwhelming sorrow and eventually, the gradual process of healing. Today, I find myself at a place where I wish to help others heal, too.
Throughout these stages, however, one thing remained constant: my mind was filled with endless questions and a relentless search for the meaning of life.
I want to reassure anyone going through this journey that every emotion, every feeling and every question that arises in your mind is valid.
You are not going crazy. You are grieving.
Perhaps the toughest part is acceptance, accepting that life, as you knew it, has changed forever. It is one of the hardest realities to come to terms with.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
One of the most important things we can do is allow ourselves to grieve. Cry when you feel like crying. Don’t bottle up your emotions or force yourself to appear strong.
Let the storms rise. Let the volcanoes erupt. Allow your emotions to find their way to the surface.
Talk to a friend, if you have someone you feel comfortable opening up to. If not, journal. Pour your heart onto those pages without judging yourself.
If you feel like a victim of the universe, allow yourself to feel that way.
If anger rises, let it rise.
If your self-confidence feels shaken, acknowledge it.
If the fear of a dark and uncertain future overwhelms you, allow that fear to surface.
If you feel lonely, accept that loneliness.
Let every shadow emotion come into the light. Give yourself permission to experience what you are experiencing, without labelling your emotions as good or bad.
When we acknowledge our emotions rather than suppress them, we gradually create space for them to soften and transform.
You don’t need to rush your healing. There is no deadline for grief and no prescribed timeline for recovery. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.
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A Spiritual Insight
If you believe in spirituality, I would like to share a perspective that has helped me look at life’s experiences through a different lens.
I believe that our experiences, including loss and separation, may be part of a larger soul journey.
From a spiritual perspective, one way of understanding this is through the concept of a soul contract, the belief that our souls choose certain experiences before entering this earthly existence as opportunities for spiritual growth and evolution.
The lessons we come here to learn could be many: discovering our sovereignty, embracing our inner strength, learning unconditional love, developing compassion, or finding our own identity beyond our relationships.
Sometimes these lessons unfold through love, and sometimes through separation.
If you ever find yourself sitting in complete solitude, allow yourself to observe your journey. With time, you may begin to recognise certain lessons, patterns and inner transformations that were previously invisible to you.
In the immediate aftermath of loss, everything can feel deeply unfair. You may question the universe, your faith and the very meaning of existence.
And that is okay.
You do not have to find a spiritual lesson in your suffering while you are still grieving.
You don’t have to make sense of your loss or force yourself to see the bigger picture. Allow yourself to experience your grief first. Spiritual understanding, if it comes, can come in its own time.
Learning to Love Yourself Again
One thing I have gradually come to realise is that even though our beloved may no longer be physically present, the love we shared does not have to disappear. It can simply change form.
Trust me when I say this: as healing unfolds, the intensity of longing can gradually soften. You may still miss them, think of them and wish they were beside you, but the pain may no longer consume every moment of your existence. Life slowly begins to make room for other experiences, too.
You can still love and care for yourself in the way your beloved would have cared for you.
Think about how they would have comforted you, encouraged you, looked after you and wanted you to live.
Can you slowly begin to offer that same tenderness to yourself?
You are still worthy of love, happiness, joy and beautiful experiences.
Finding happiness again does not mean you have forgotten your beloved. Moving forward does not mean leaving them behind. And learning to live again does not diminish the love you shared.
Perhaps healing is not about learning to live without love, but learning to carry that love differently.
A Message to Every Grieving Heart
If you are reading this while navigating the unimaginable pain of losing someone you love, please be gentle with yourself.
You don’t have to have everything figured out. You don’t have to be strong every day. You don’t have to understand why this happened or know how to navigate this new life just yet.
Take one breath, one moment and one day at a time.
You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to question. You are allowed to rediscover yourself and find life again.
May you find the strength to hold your grief, the courage to rediscover yourself, and the grace to allow love to continue living within you.
With love and compassion to every grieving heart.
