You’re A Fine Boy, And So?
Anyone who knows me knows that I really don’t like fine boys. You see, it’s not anything too deep. I only think that 98% of them are proud because they know they are fine.
Then I spiral from there into how they probably talk about women anyhow, and think they can get any woman they want.
Udo didn’t fall short. I hated everything about him. He was the definition of “I’m fine, and I know it”.
He was a custard bucket that thought he could have any girl that crossed his path, and I hated that most of the girls in our department hyped him up so much
Okay, fine, maybe he was only a custard bucket in 100L, because why was he looking like a proper fine boy in 400L? I was angry in my soul.
Udo and I developed a hate-hate relationship in school. I felt like he was always judging me and generally making my life harder.
I hated his pride, and he hated my guts. This relationship was established when my friend Jane told me Udo said he liked her.
I told her he was a Playboy, but she didn’t believe me. When Udo and I got the chance to speak, I told him I didn’t like him. He said, “The feeling is mutual, but I like your friend”.
Lies upon lies, because why was he toasting another babe under the Fabian tree in two weeks? I know who these boys are. You have to believe me. Jane and I eventually stopped being friends because of, well, life.
During the summer of ’23, I heard everything Udo said about me. He basically said I wasn’t appealing to the human eye, and he would be surprised if I had a boyfriend.
My fans, I cried, oh.
Let me tell you why I cried. I cried because I felt sad that he said that. Why should I feel sad because of something Udo said? It meant that I was becoming pathetic.
Countering what he said would mean wearing mascara and blush to every class, and reapplying concealer every 5 seconds, to class? Every class?
The many things on my mind should be how to survive the heat, buy my comfort food and ice cream and watch Barbie afterwards. Udo can like to fall into the gutter for all I care.
Many people may want to attribute the glow-up I had in the first semester of 400L to whatever Udo said, but I actually started my lip combo ritual because of one fine young man I met where I was working over the summer.
He made me take my looks seriously. Heck, I even learnt how to do my lashes and carve my eyebrows. I started doing things to look better than I did.
Anyway, when I got to the first class we had that semester, I remember how Udo kept looking at me. I was so angry. If you say you don’t like me, follow it through till the end of time. So, because of a small glow-up, the Almighty Udo forgot to sign attendance when it passed his desk.
After class, I walked to where I usually got waffles, only for me to turn around to see Udo behind me. “Hi,” he said. “Are you crazy?” I asked. He looked so confused that he said, “Huh, did you ask if I was crazy?” “Yes, and I ask again”.
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“Why?” He asked. “Bro, why are you talking to me? I don’t like you, and you don’t like me, remember?”
“Did I ever say that?” I looked at him in disbelief. How I felt towards him increased, because what do you mean you are not a man of your word? “Goodbye,” I said, turning around to walk back to my dorm.
I looked back to see his friends laughing at him. It wasn’t until later that I realised what had happened. I turned down the Almighty Udo. I had a good laugh in my dorm.
“Wonderful,” I said out loud. Then the thought dropped in my mind, “Oh my gosh! I can take it a step further and play him”.
The Plot: Make Udo like me, and then make him see me with another guy under The Fabian Tree. Jane must be avenged!
Plot Duration: One Month.
The plan was simple: I’d flirt with him. Don’t look at me that way, I wasn’t a dud, I knew how to flirt. I was basically going to do to him what he always did to other girls.
The next day in class, I walked up to him and told him I wanted to talk. When we got to a safe place. I said, “Hi”. He said, “Are you crazy?” I laughed, “Good one, but don’t start”.
“Hey, you were the one who said it first”. “And that’s why I’m here. I’m sorry for being that rude. We had had that conversation over a year ago, and in truth, I just wasn’t happy yesterday”.
His face softened. Almighty Udo’s face softened. He asked what happened, and I told him that the waffle store didn’t have the syrup I wanted. “Okay, sorry about that. Maybe we could check again today”.
You guys, he said WE, my plan was working (insert maniac laughter).
We hung out every day after that. His friends started calling me “The Mrs”, which was absolutely annoying, but I allowed it for the plot. FOR THE PLOT! You know you’re there when his friends have a nickname for you.
…
One random day, actually, no, it wasn’t a random day, it was the day before my birthday. I got to my room late after hanging out with Udo, only for me to find a bouquet of Tulips on my bed.
I looked around to see if I could see anyone. “Who’s there?” my roommate called out from the bathroom. “It’s me, and what’s this on my bed?” She jumped out immediately to tell me that she had been called from the reception to receive the package for me.
I picked up the tag beside the flowers and saw “Just because tomorrow is your birthday” written on it, and it was signed “Udo Chief”.
I was shocked! My roommate screamed. Chief was what I called him, but I didn’t know why Sarah screamed. In two minutes, my room was filled with about 7 girls.
“I don’t know why you guys are so happy. Isn’t this what he does? It’s even plastic,” I said, emphasising the last part since it’s a popular meme.
“Who’s going to tell her?” one of the girls said. “Tell me what?”
“First of all, it’s not plastic, girlie, those are actual flowers. Two, Udo doesn’t spend money on girls at all. I think he really likes you”.
“Huh,” I managed to say
