Entry 3: Life in my finals(LIMF).
my last first semester exam…
opening
Slowly but surely, this is a caption my friend made under a post of both of us picture after having an impromptu seminar defense we got to know about the morning of the supposed defense. We pulled it off anyway. It’s something we are used to here. You just move and do what you have to do.
I know I digressed, but yeah, the train is moving really fast and my time here is ticking daily. It doesn’t even try to wait for me when I need time to breathe. But I love it anyway. In my next life, I never want to experience this kind of educational system again. It’s not for me and even realistically speaking, this is not what schooling should look like.
exam shenanigans
I’m currently preparing for exams. I’m writing them all through next week. No breathing space. It’s going to be such a crazily demanding week. But the height of it? This is the least unprepared I will be for an exam that starts in the next two days and I’m not even panicking. I just know I’m going to read and eventually pass. Such confidence I don’t know where I got it from. Maybe track records? Maybe I just know I’m going to pull it off again. I’m very convinced I will pull it off. Because what will my crash out really do? So, pray for me guys!
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feeling alone
At the beginning of this week, I was feeling so overwhelmed. I felt so helpless. Racking my brain about a lot of things: how am I going to do all of these? Why do I keep failing at the same thing? I kept speaking to the holy-spirit about how I keep stressing him out on things I truly should have gotten past. I then stumbled on a note by Daniel Olurin here on substack. It says God didn’t bring me this far to bring me this far. Immediately, Isaiah 43:10 jumped at me. He is really not one to leave me stranded and forget about me. He is with me at every step of the way. One step at a time. He is there with me and ahead of me at the same time. He is not waiting for me to become a better person just so I can become his best child. I’ve always been his best child right from time to time. I’m not stressing him out nor do I have to do anything to earn his love. On days I fail he is there with me, on days I stumble he is there with me, on days I feel so good he is there with me. He is really always there holding me by my right hand and leading me. God wants me and that’s enough for me.
on valentine
In every sense of it, I’ve never really felt the euphoria of valentine’s. Because, shebi nah person wey get man go dey feel euphoria? That’s not even my bone of contention for today. One of the things I have always loved about valentines are the memes. God! Those memes can keep one rolling on the floor. The ones in relationship banting singles and singles doing their own back. These people make it look like being single is a crime. Nah single we single, we no kill person. We are in love with ourselves and God and that’s enough. Love plenty like water for God’s side and we are even overwhelmed by such an amount of love.
Anyway, I love this phase of my life and I’m really soaking it all in. I won’t be single forever. So, all of you in a relationship, please rest! We know love is sweet but don’t use it to bant singles. Thank you and God bless. On behalf of the single people association of Nigeria.
on growing older
If you are between 2002-2005, come closer. Let me whisper something to your ear. You’re old! You’re no longer 18. I just say I should tell you. Again, you’re almost in your mid-20s. A lot of people are now looking up to you. The ma and sir they call you and you loathe is a testament of how they see you. It’s before I get annoyed about it. Now, I use it as a reminder that I’m really no longer a teen in anyways. I’m an adult. Full grown adult. When this even became more realistic to me was when I was watching video by Pastor Deola Ajani and she was saying 02, 03 and 04 go and get married. I was like, as how naw? Small girl like me.
Jokes aside, this is the truth, we are not young anymore. Our mistakes have to be lesser, independence has to be fully attained, responsibilities have to be assumed, huge decisions have to be made, initiatives have to be taken and so much more. You can’t keep playing small. That little pressure you’re feeling might be a nudge you have to attend to. The pressure is calling your attention. In the same vein, do not lose your child like wonder. Have fun and take it a step at a time.
A final note: God is really mindful of you. He is. In your daily life, you will see it. God loves you so much and deeply. This is the love you should have an understanding of first.
It’s a rap for todays yapping! See you next week! Tell me. How was your week?
