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Today when I met the cyclying group they all were worried about me . They weren’t sure that I can ride alongside them for 20 miles. The fact that they did not know about me was that. Even how sttrong I was to Just wake up in the morning and get there , how much burden was on my shoulder when I was riding toward the meeting spot. All these pain and suffering that all of iranian people are experiencing was in my heart and I dont know if others can understand . With having all these pain in my heart , all these worries that I had for my family and my friends and how much I felt desperate; this cycling which only needs physical strength was not a thing for me. When I was. Struggling riding up that hill I felt pain in my legs and in my lungs I could not breathe well enough but I felt some kind of relief in that pain. It looked like I needed that pain. From the day I heard about the war I was felt nothing I could not connect with my feelings it seems like I suppressed all my feelings but in that moment I was feeling some thing I was feeling my pain and that helped alot. Now that I am writing I can feel my emotions and feelings with tears in my heart I am sad , I am worried , I am fearful, I am angry , I am mad , and I love my family and my friends and I don’t want them to be hurt .
