Cafe Break #0
A Beginners Guide to Cafe Break
I moved to Norwich a few months ago and I’ve been trying to figure out a way to spice up my life. With an absence of my core friend group, my girlfriend, and a climbing gym (or one that is both big enough and/or close enough to satisfy my needs) I’ve found myself falling into old routines. 3 months have passed and I’m now at start of 2025 not really having done much in this new country. So, at the suggestion of my wonderful girlfriend, every week I’ll be visiting at least 1 new cafe and reviewing it. Of course, I have a very in depth and not at all biased criteria. However before that, we need to go on a small tangent on the 1–10 scale.
How the 1–10 scale works in my brain
Anytime I’ve had this conversation with someone they’re often surprised about how I use the 1–10 scale (maybe I surround myself with very strange people but let me know I guess). 5 is always going to be average, meaning, if you were to close your eyes and imagine whatever you’re rating, let’s use attractiveness as an example, the most average looking dude is always a 5. 4 then becomes slightly below average, and conversely 6 becomes slightly above average. Most things in life will live in the 4–6 range. The ranges 2–3 and 7–9 are what we describe as “head turners” for better or worse. 1 and 10 are solely kept for the best and worst of our world, almost nothing will live in these areas but a select few make it here (Henry Caville?). It’s going to start making sense as I describe the criteria for the cafes but keep this concept in mind.
Criteria 1: Ambience
Ambience is going to be judged based off of a few things:
How noisy the cafe is, the music they’re playing (if any), friendliness of the staff (in which a 5 is not being rude but not particularly interested in anything but serving you your drink/food), and how long I’d want to stay (until my coffee is done, a whole work session, etc.). Tied to that last one, did I feel rushed to leave?
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Very objective, yes.
All of this will be judged proportional to the size of the cafe. For example, if it’s a relatively small cafe, I would expect it to be a bit quieter, maybe more attentive staff, and that I’d want to spend longer periods of time because there’s less people making noise. And vice versa, I wouldn’t expect a large cafe to be quiet given that there’s more people. However, if something goes against expectation, we can see the scales 2–3 or 7–9 being used. Makes sense? No? Oh well we keep going.
Criteria 2: How Good the Coffee is
Generally, I’ll only ever order a coffee-based drink (it’s usually a mocha). It’s pretty straight forward, did the coffee taste different or special? Does it pass the so called “eyebrow test” (did my eyebrows raise when I first tasted the coffee)? How much did it cost, and does it line up with what I just tasted?
So, for example, a coffee that was a 4 is probably one that I’m not particularly angry that I drank because the flavor itself was fine, but it could have been overpriced. Generally, any coffee that is a 6 or above has passed the eyebrow test but in order to achieve a 7 it would either have to be a uniquely good coffee or really cheap coffee that tasted great. Again, most coffees will live in the 4–6 range and can only go above or below these bounds if my head turns. Yes? We good? Cool.
Final Judging:
In total, I’ll have 20 points (9-10 connotates an average experience) and after it all I’ll have two last questions:
Would I go again, and would I become a regular?
Oh yeah if I end up ordering food that will be its own commentary and completely separate from my judgement on whether or not I would go to that spot.
To whoever ends up reading these random posts, hope you find some joy in reading a random guy’s blog on cafes on the edge of nowhere!
