How I Accidentally Became the ‘Security Guy’ at Every Party

(And Why I Can Never Go to a Social Gathering Without Fixing Someone’s WiFi)

It was a Saturday night at my cousin’s housewarming party.

I was standing by the snack table, holding a beer, trying to enjoy what was supposed to be a relaxing evening. My girlfriend had dragged me out of the house with the promise that “you need to socialize more” and “it’ll be fun.”

Then it happened.

My uncle walked over — not to chat, not to catch up on life — but to ask if I could “take a quick look” at his WiFi. It wasn’t connecting properly, apparently. Just five minutes of my time.

That five minutes turned into 45 minutes of me standing in his home office, asking him password questions, restarting the router, and explaining why leaving your WiFi named “NETGEAR” was “not ideal for security.”

But here’s the thing that really annoyed me: I hadn’t even told anyone at that party what I do for a living.

My cousin had mentioned it in passing to maybe one person, but somehow, by the end of the night, I had fixed WiFi for three households, been asked about someone’s “slow phone,” and had a friend-of-a-friend corner me to ask if I could “just check” why their laptop…