Six Months of Motherhood- Reflections

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mother. As a child, it’s probably because I thought that was what was supposed to happen. But I also really like children and genuinely enjoy their company.

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Now Esi is here and sometimes I can’t believe that I’m actually someone’s mother. These are some things I’ve learned along the way:

1. You’ll learn on the job — quickly. Although we stayed in the hospital longer than I anticipated, a part of me was relieved because the midwives and nurses were doing everything for us. They bathed and dressed Esi, fed her, and changed her diapers.They also took care of me. They dressed my wounds, brought me lunch, and administered my meds. I didn’t have any experience taking care of a baby and was nervous when we had to go home. I wasn’t sure how I was going to change a diaper or bathe her. But I learned quickly. You learn by doing (and watching YouTube videos). And somehow it’s not that hard.
2. Breastfeeding is hard. I’m blessed, in that, I did not struggle to produce milk or to feed Esi. But it’s not been a walk in the park either. In the beginning latching was hard. Feeding her can be quite painful, especially when she bites the nipple or clamps with her jaws and then pulls it between her teeth. There are times when I stop feeding her and open her mouth to check if there are teeth that I have missed, because gosh, how is a baby this small causing me this much pain? Pumping milk is hard. Leaking all over is uncomfortable and embarrassing. My house clothes all have milk stains. Breastfeeding makes me thirsty. Now, I’m not complaining. It’s a blessing to even be able to produce enough milk to do exclusive breastfeeding. But this is the honest truth.
3. Your schedule is rearranged to prioritize the baby. Before I had Esi, I used to take long walks. Sometimes after work, I’d have little adventures before going home. I’d have a solo date at a restaurant or cinema, or do window shopping at the mall. Sometimes I’d take walks and explore places and buy things like books or clothes before making my way home. Other times I’d meet at with friends. Now I go straight home from work. Any friend who wants to see me has to visit me at home because it’s hard for me to go out now. Everything revolves around her now. The clothes I wear must be easy to breastfeed from. Every plan must be something that works with her in. Thankfully, I’m not bothered. I feel ready for this new stage of life, and I’m happy where I am. As she gets older, I’ll be able to take her places as well.
4. You’ll understand your mother better. I once saw a quote that said being a mother is having your heart live outside your body (or something like that). And I relate with it so much. When she was born, I used to find myself filled with fear, pure terror that something might happen to her. Now it has subsided but I constantly pray for her to be protected from danger, and sicknesses and to have a better life than mine. And I understand my mother even better now. I used to think she was overprotective but I truly get her now.

It’s been a blessing so far and I pray that the days ahead will be even better.