ME
#November182022
Dear you,
Here I go again, trying to write another letter for you. It’s just something in my brain, the way that I was raised. I wouldn’t blame anyone because I got trauma from family drama. But they threw boom box on my way, so beautiful and wasted on me. We never know each other, truly, deeply. We just know names and fake city. I hate what love is turned out to be, but one of these days, it comes right back to me — get over myself.
I don’t have to wait to be happy when I’m old, I’m old enough to be sad all the time. Fight the waves, embrace the pain and paint the ages a 1000 shades of gold ’cause you are the shades of cool and I can’t break through your world. I can’t let you in, now I can keep you out. I wait for life to win and it’s all coming back about. I can’t hear your call, now I can hear me shout. I wait for it to break and everything comes back around.
I was falling apart, would you tell me? I was thinking about something to kill me. I was so lonely, flying to the moon every night only to falling apart.
“Let’s forget and away.”
I really took it to the heart. Why you make me work so hard? I was complete, but never enough to win. Why you make me take that shit? I was incomplete, but never enough to the life you in. Stillwater stills keep the show, don’t know any better, you drag me down and keep it on the low. It won’t made up! I forgave you, I ask apologize too. I let you go, I erase me too. I love you, I hurt myself too. I care for you, I let myself down too.
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Now I just wanna be okay without my past, throw it to the bonfire, need something real and last. I want it forever, but I forgot fake people are temporary. I deserved it. I fake myself to be stable, the camera is able. Guess I’m still grieving us, it was all my problems. You were JFK, I was Marilyn, calling you babies, gave me crazy alibies. Ain’t the soulmate nor twin flame, karmic is everywhere, won’t change for fame. And I know…
I gotta turn the page and walk away that night, I couldn’t. There was something making me want to stay longer though I know it could be deadly sin, am I a nuisance? I was having deja vu, feels like I’ve been there before, my heart couldn’t take it any more. Sipping tea at 4.. Reading my letters on the floor. Now she is gone for stupid thing I lost from the first try. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that now I lose you forever.
“I’m right behind you.”
I really took it to the heart, now breath into me. Forgiving myself for what I see, not regretting how strong love can turned out to be. Back into life, not with the prince or titled wife. I pray for you, even after the third time…
I just want a kind lover who’s in love with me. You don’t know how much I ruined my life in an imaginary world that love is for us only.
