To lazy days…
I love some lazy days.
And no. I’m not the lazy type. my friends and family would attest to this one truth that I love to be productive-not busy. Nevertheless, I love those days when my brain tells me “Teajay, shall we do nothing for another hour or two?” and when I try to convince my brain that it has to work because the world expects it of people like me who are aspiring names on Forbes list. It takes a hiatus and does nothing.
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As a loner who was raised amongst a crowd yet alone, I find joy in these moments of doing nothing. Of putting my feet on the couch and just gazing into nothingness. I love these moments when I’m fully alone with my thoughts. Fully alone because one, I live a lot in my head and from that space comes both worry and a sense of fulfilment. Two. I don't have to think of anyone else but me. It’s my selfish time.
I love when I get to have those random, weird and authentic conversations with myself in the first, second and third person. I love when we both laugh at our own jokes, sigh at a deep statement or just lighten up from having a eureka moment.
lazy days when I get to enjoy my imperfections and celebrate them. Lazy days when I remember the last human I gave my heart to, how he both loved and violated me in one breath. I never seem to understand how I loved and probably still love him still. Moments when I look back through google photos to remember memories of us I froze. I smile as I watch those valentine's day videos we both said we would never partake in, I sigh when I see and remember those ‘ apology’ dinner dates that came after another round of abuse.
Lazy days.
