Bye, Bye, Bi
Written by Aahana Disa for Blank 101
Edited by Aashita Gupta for Blank 101
Let us consider a hypothetical gal named ‘Una Nancy Owen’, such that Una loves both Biryani and Dosa. Given that she is studying in Manipal, and has a decent relationship with X, Y and Z.
Let all of them be at the mess at the same time without Una [plot purposes].
“Dude! Do you guys know what Una told me the other day?” X leaned in close, “She likes both dosa and biryani.”
“Um, are you sure about having this conversation in public?” Y asked, unsure where this is going.
“Yeah, yeah, she shouldn’t have told me if she didn’t want you guys to know. I mean no secrets, am I right? Anyways, since she’s not here, I can finally tell you guys, something I absolutely cannot tell her.” X finally started whispering; I don’t know how it helped, it’s the thought that counts, I guess. “I think she’s faking.” Lean back for dramatic effect.
“Valid theory, very valid.” Z thinks a lot more than honestly necessary. “You know, I haven’t seen her have biryani since she got here. Like, I get it, we are in the south and dosa might be better, but if she likes both shouldn’t she, you know, eat both?” Duh. “That’s like honestly, textbook attention seeking. Let’s do something about it. It’s our responsibility as her friends.” Self-righteous much?
“Guys, I’m gonna one up you, I think it’s just greed. Say she does like both, but wanting to have both, when there are people who can’t even have one is? That’s crazy!” Y has cracked the mystery, congrats.
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“This is the greed they talk about in the Bible.” X said with all the seriousness in the world.
“Have you read the Bible?” Z asked
“Nahh.”
Y was quiet, it wasn’t a good thing honestly. And then they smiled, which is arguably worse, considering it was a ‘Patrick Jane has caught you’ grin. “I’ll do you one better, Why is Gamora? But in all seriousness, I think it’s just a phase, nothing more, nothing less. And we should maybe go for an intervention later if she doesn’t get out of this delusion in say like a few months.”
What a riveting conversation. Truly hilarious, until the same conversation occurs about people and their identities. And what separates a ridiculous joke from a painful reality is nothing but the subject. Now, it might feel a bit familiar for a few of you guys. Maybe something you’ve said in passing or something that you’ve heard being said against you. Which brings me to the point of this charade: Bi erasure.
I sincerely hope that at least some of you know what I am talking about, or at the very least know about the bisexual community. For those who don’t, never fear, for I am here. Bisexuality is the capacity for romantic or sexual attraction to more than one gender. It does not require equal attraction to every gender, nor does it dictate whom a person must date to validate their identity. In short, similar to our dear friend Una, likes both.
The entire Queer community has a long and harsh history of struggle which still hasn’t ended today. People still fight for acceptance, rights, and basic space to live peacefully in society. The reason I’m focusing on the bi community today is because sometimes it feels as if they are the ‘in between’ people, which in some cases, is one of the easiest to overlook.
Bi erasure is the denial or dismissal of bisexuality, often called a ‘phase’ in someone’s life. Which is frankly just ridiculous. Sexual identities are still very much a part of people’s identity. It’s in the name, guys! Imagine someone claiming that your dominant hand preference is just a phase or that you’ll learn to grow out of it. Or perhaps that people can have only one culture, the part of your family from a different culture is an attention seeking behaviour.
It is not just people who are uninformed or unaware that make such assumptions, sometimes bisexuals face exclusion from both the heterosexual and LGBTQ+ communities. Often considered ‘too straight’ for the queer community, because one has the option to live with a partner of the opposite gender, ‘What do they know of struggle? Their love is accepted.’ And on the other hand, ‘too gay’ for the heterosexual community because they like people of their own gender as well. Completely disregarding that the attraction is possible for multiple genders and they have had more than their fair share of hardships. Furthermore, treating it as an indecision, or expecting proof of their sexuality by showing that they can be attracted to more than one gender.
This middle line that we as a people have pushed them on has adverse effects, mental and social challenges ensue. There is a lack of belonging and support as they are ostracised from the very community they are supposed to find connection with. As human beings, a society is one of the major factors of life, and we snatch that away from them. Cruelly, mindlessly we exclude them from society. This untetheredness could potentially contribute to higher rates of depression, vulnerability to substance use, in some cases anxiety and stress as well across varying levels of severity. The social exclusion and a feeling of isolation amongst few aids nothing.
It is not just the mental health that gets affected, the stigma that surrounds bisexuals makes it harder to find appropriate medical care. This may stem from discrimination, societal,or lack of awareness among healthcare providers. I hope that this article has left you a little more informed about the world around you. But being informed is not all there is to make the world a better place. Actions, at the end of the day, speak louder than words. Inclusion and acknowledgement is something that can be easily achieved. It doesn’t take much effort to stop questioning someone’s identity, to include more faces of the queer community in conversation than just gay and lesbian. Sexualities are a spectrum, and it is time we remember that. We live in an analogue world, not a digital one, binary is not enough. If someone decides to share such an integral part of themselves with you, I implore you not to make them regret doing so. Accept them for who they are. Don’t reduce them to baseless stereotypes or dismissive passing comments. And, more importantly, speak up when you hear Biphobic remarks. Make your friend group a safe place for them.
Make this world a place where Rosa Diaz, Alex Clairmont-Diaz, Nina Zenik, Callie Torres, Nick Nelson and many more would be able to live peacefully, openly and expressively. Let’s make a world where no one has to say, “I’m Bi actually”, where “I’m Bi” is enough. And that’s that, no explanations, no justifications. Because if we can’t learn to accept people as they are, well, it ain’t no lie: bye, bye, bye.
