AGE IS NOTHING BUT A NUMBER
When it comes to romantic relationships, one big factor that always comes into play is age.
Even though many guys like to act as if age is nothing but a number, especially when they are involved with an older partner, I still think it is erroneous to say age is just a harmless figure.
There is certainly more to age than it just being a numerical unit, particularly when it comes to dating.
Though we have young people who behave more maturely than the Methuselahs, we can’t ignore the place of experience, emotional intelligence, aspiration and goals.
To me, the problem in a relationship with an unbalanced age scale is not the age but the two higher animals involved. There is a subliminal way an individual’s plans determine whether the initial excitement that attends a relationship will continue for a long time or dry off after a short while.
I have observed that there is no lady too big for a hunter guy. They love the game too much, thanks to their ego and inquisitive minds.
Some of them pride themselves as liberal enough to date their aunties, if not their moms.
Dating an older lady is never an issue at the outset of the relationship until it gets to the stage of serious commitment and cracks start to appear in the wall. At this stage, commitment then becomes a relative term.
But instead of exerting energy on the widening cracks caused by the age factor, I would suggest that attention should be paid more to other issues such as: expectation(s), maturity, values and financial capability.
Importantly, both parties should ask the hard questions. What do they want in the relationship, is it cruise, platonic friendship, juicy hot sex or marriage? If it is the fun of it, then I can subscribe to the school of thought that advocates that age is just a number.
On the other hand, nobody should be fooled that age is just a number if there are projections towards marriage. It is a big deal, especially here in Africa. In the African culture, the headship of a man includes being the older party.
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To add, on one hand, age will remain just a number to a family desperate to enlist their daughter on the marital roll, when she is being perceived as stale, old, and unlucky with men.
On the other hand, proposing to marry an older lady will be an abomination to the family of a guy because males are never considered too old nor ugly. Hence, it is an unpardonable sin for guys to introduce to their family an 'anyhow' or older lady.
I know that there are some African men who married older women and have blissful homes. However, the rate of occurrence is few and far between to jump to the conclusion that age is just a number. The Westerners can say that in absolute term. No, I will not lash out at them. They are not complicated like sanctimonious Africans. They are true to their feelings and respect others' decisions.
I have had experience with two younger folks. Not that I made any conscious effort to go low on the age ladder in my situationships, it was a natural occurrence. My stature also contributes immensely to the numerous advances I get from younger sons of men.
My look bears no telltale sign of my age. I wouldn’t give the credit to gene though. I think poverty has the honour. It would have been a fierce battle not to be on the plus-size side if we had had money to feed well. So, my petite size which I have grudgingly accepted, now that the market favours the slim, appears to be a product of stunted growth. Spending most of my formative years to carry water from Ero dam and other streams that quench the thirst of Ikun-Ekiti residents as well as oversized basket of cassava, firewood, and other farm produce might have suppressed my growth.
I should perhaps point out that I’m still struggling with the nemesis of dating younger people.
The more I try to pull away from the recent young juice, the closer his magnet draws me. Aside his brain and beautifully carved huge joystick, I enjoy his company. Loneliness isn’t Nigerian jollof rice abeg.
Now that I have realised that I can’t let go through my own volition, I need to find my way back to the foot of the cross. I just pray that another serpent will not waylay me to dangle an apple before my lustful eyes.
While not all youngsters are commitment shy, they have their families, societal verdict and norm to contend with.
Another issue will be submission. Will the older lady be submissive and let the younger head reign without constant reference to the age gap, will the younger head of the family not feel controlled or mothered when corrected or advised by the older neck?
I also think it is delusional for a 25 year-old guy who will not be ready for marriage in the next 5 years, even if all indices are in place, to engage a 29 year-old lady who sees mariage as the ultimate achievement and the key to awakening her seemingly docile destiny. What would one then say about those at the borderline of the dreaded 40 who are under unimaginable pressure from parents, relatives, friends, nosy neighbours and disgruntled colleagues as well as the almighty biological clock, can age be just a number to them?
Except the relationship is purely transactional, that is, the evergreen barter of 'I rub your back, you dig my well with some saliva exchange in further acceptance of the deal’, it will end in premium tears and the 'men are scum' cliché will be the new ringtone.
If Chemistry is all that’s required for a happy ending, the friction which I know to be from Physics will not happen in any romantic relationship. The emotional eruption of Geography from too many hot lava of unmet expectations might also be averted.
Before you jump on the bandwagon of 'age is just a number’, you might need to not just think twice, but also do some soul search.
