resignation deserves grieving too
a tale of sorrow from a girl who has resigned after working for 4 years.
it was purely by decision, but later in life i found how devastating the loss is.
regarding my CV, i’ve been working for 4 years by now. not an easy journey i must told, even though it’s not my first time deciding to give a resignation notice to a company.
the grief hit right after 2 months and 13 days i’ve been working in a new place. i love the vibes, i love the people, i love the job — i’m so grateful for everything i gained until today. but turns out, the grief still haunts me. and it started long ago when this sudden realisation hit; when it was the first time i started to think about leaving. when i knew that i should go.
well, it wasn’t really a nice farewell i guess… even that i do it properly(?) and still genuinely wish the best for them. i gave my resignation gifts to each ones, gave one-month notice before i left, and of course, did the handover things smoothly — even that i still need other [ex] coworkers to take good care of it after i totally left all that behind.
but still, the goodbye was harsh. and rough.
might i say, this is one of the worst scenario ever really happened in my life. i never thought that i would leave. i truly believed i would stay forever. but time is a cruel thing; it never waits, and would just keep moving no matter how hard i beg it to stop.
the clock keeps on ticking, but the grief stayed in the moment i decided to close the door behind. tell that i might only in the mood of romanticize this whole stuff, but who am i to deny what i currently feel?
why was it unavoidable for me to take the cue and walk away?
i thought i was a nonchalant one. life would keep going anyway, so why bother to dwell on an unfortunate event in life? isn’t life about anything that could have happened anyway? oh how naive i was to think i could just dismiss the feelings away. no matter what i do or whoever i’m with, none could ever erase what’s already engraved in my heart.
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if life is fair, then it’s not life at all.
as what we’ve been told since we’re little, growing is inevitable. but as i became the so-called adult, no one ever told me that it also means we’re bound to grow things out — and it comes without warning, like a tsunami.
i grew in all of the companies i worked with. it shaped me into who i am today, molds how i tend to think of things, curved my perspective now; they’re all part of my becoming. but of course, the longest one was also once my home.
i love my job now, but back then it was part of myself. i love the people around me now, but they were once my siblings. i love the vibes and the place i usually work at these days, but i remember those days when it felt like the air i breathe every second. each minute counted, each day passed, and now everything that was so familiar to me suddenly being taken away the moment i decided to leave.
it was never my intention, but the consequences now feel like too much to bear. it weighed on me every time and suffocated my thoughts with each second that passed.
life keeps going on, and the cruel time finally becomes the one who decides how i should face the sorrow today. not as nonchalant as how i want it to be, but feel as sharp as an arrow shot through my ribs.
one thing about time: it never allows us to go back. we may fall and take a step back in life progress, but we can’t ever retreat to what’s passed. what’s been passed should stay behind.
and that’s how i found the title of this long-ass text. resignation deserves grieving because i finally understand it’s also about growing out of a place i once felt safe in. growing out of the people i once told everything to. growing out of the place that makes me become who i am today. it shaped me, mold me, but as i grow even bigger the place can’t hold me anymore.
so i left, and they released.
for once, i grew inside. but now, i can only look from afar.
no matter what i did or how much the efforts i exert, i can’t go back to how things were once. we live separated now as i cherish what has already passed. while time is a cruel thing, i may could only hope that it would be compassionate enough to let me breathe the familiar air once again.
someday. one day.
