Beginning
So it Begins.
Bonkers, brave, bodacious, baseball, burritos. Some of the choices I sifted over deciding on an appropriate B Word to kick-off what I hope to be a lifelong journey. Then it hit me…
Beginning. Simple enough. After all, isn’t that what this is.
Bonkers will always be a personal favorite B Word. An accurate word to describe my impulsive behavior. Shopping for beers in neighbors’ garages as a teenager. Bonkers. Quitting my secure job to start my own business. Bonkers. School? Bonkers. Relationships. Bonkers!
Bonkers. The more I say it the more I like it. It’s one of those words. But where did I learn it? I don’t think it ever came up on a vocab test. Probably one of those stupid things my mom said growing up (sorry mom). Then I actually looked it up. What did Webster (google) have to say about it? Well, it has three meanings:
- Very fond, enthusiastic, or excited
- Very angry, annoyed, or bothered
- Sometimes offensive
Bonkers is also apparently an animated series about a zany bobcat who leaves his showbiz career behind to join the police department. I might have to subscribe to Disney+ for that one.
Back to the actual word. Pretty much what I expected. I like definition 2. Probably describes me best. I hope to embrace a little bit of definition number 3, but hopefully not too much. But then I thought about definition number 1. That’s not me. That’s my dog. If Jeter starts a blog, we’ll call it Bonkers. Don’t get me wrong, I am very fond of some things, I’m enthusiastic sometimes, and somedays I’m excited. But it didn’t fully encapsulate what I wanted my first blog to be about. As much as I love you bonkers, I had to pass.
Brave. Ha! This is the bravest thing I’ve done in months. Sure, I scooter around the streets of Denver. Not a Vespa. Like a scooter scooter. Well, an electric scooter. Ya know, like those Birds or Limes. I have one of those. While I might see that as brave, I don’t believe others perceive me that way while I’m bombing along the bike lane. More like, bonkers.
Blogs are brave though. Open to judgment and mockery. It is brave sharing my thoughts to the world (more like my friends and mom). Maybe I could use brave. But it just doesn’t feel right. I don’t need Webster for this one. We all know what brave means. And I won’t kid myself for now. It also seems a bit cliché. I’m attempting to avoid banal subjects for now. Banal was never an option for this first blog. It just sounds ugly. Nothing like good ol’ bonkers. Anyways.. sorry brave. Maybe someday.
Bodacious. What does that even mean. Another missing word from my vocab tests. Thanks Ms. Dale. Big? Bold? Pretty much just a synonym for brave right? Wrong. Apparently bodacious means admirable or attractive. While I am plenty of the latter, I am none of the former. Does anybody admire me? Maybe Jeter.
When I think of bodacious I think of Nelly. Ya know… I was like, good gracious, ass is bodacious. Flirtacious, tryin’ to show patience. If you don’t get the reference do yourself a favor and give Country Grammar a listen. Nelly you’re a true wordsmith. If that ass was in fact admirable and attractive then props for the proper use of bodacious. I was jammin’ to that shit not even knowing what bodacious truly meant. Shame on me. I can’t use bodacious now. Next.
Baseball. I’ll get there.
Burritos. That’s something I could write about. Who doesn’t love a burrito? There are so many varieties. Chipotle. Qdoba. Illegal Pete’s. Frozen. Steak. Chicken. Carnitas. Green chile. Bean. Bean and Cheese. Beef and Cheese. Beef. Beef and Bean. Shrimp. Burrito Burger. Burrito salad. Burrito stew. Burrito pizza. The list is endless.
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I’m not sure if I am ready for that big of an undertaking at this point. Burritos will have to wait. For now..
Beginning.
Let me begin again.
As you’ve likely gathered by now, I’m no writer. I used to think I was. It was something I enjoyed whether I excelled in it or not. Writing is one of those rare artforms that can be enjoyed even by those who suck at it. Writing is powerful and I always felt that. I wrote vivid short stories about blowfish and baseball. I wrote love poems and regular poems. I practiced my handwriting and cursive. I’d pick out words in the dictionary, study their meanings, then crush spelling tests. But school ended (I stopped going) and there was no need to write anymore. Writing? About what? Who does that? Bloggers are bonkers. I’d rather read.
I wrote a little in jail. Yes, jail. But again, I’d rather read. I think it was safer exploring somebody else’s thoughts than my own. Especially at that time. But I wrote to my girlfriend. We shared the power of writing together. It not only helped pass time but writing grew our relationship in a time that seemed impossible. Ah the power of writing was back! But then, like school, jail ended.
In short, I need this and recently I’ve been inspired. By boredom.
Boredom, the B word that prompted the beginning.
For me, Beginnings are rough. I dread getting out of bed in the morning. I’m a little B word about it. That first sip of whiskey always goes down harder than the second. First day of school or a new job? Shoot me. The fear of the unexpected is something that fuels my avoidance to begin…anything.
Yet beginnings are the best part when that fear is overcome. That first kiss feeling. That first bite of a burrito feeling.
Everything has a beginning. Obviously. But a beginning is never defined.
When does a football game start? The National Anthem? The coin-flip? The kick-off? ESPN says that game starts at 6:30, actual kickoff- 7:10. Apparently ESPN thinks the beginning is the pre-game show.
When was your beginning? Your birthday? Your conception? Your parents’ birthdays? Your grandparents’ birthday? Think about it and get back to me.
Everything has beginnings. Plural. That’s more accurate.
At this moment I am in the process of opening a business. It’s a constant state of beginning right now. Therefore, a constant state of fear. But I know that it will be successful. It’s a foregone conclusion in my mind. After all, my business plan says so. So why is there fear? It’s the beginning’s fault.
Throughout the business development process there have been countless beginnings. I won’t bother boring my readers (probably just mom at this point) with each beginning. The point is, I have no idea when my business actually started. Or has it even started? I’ve learned enough at this point to know that there are many more beginnings to come, like when we actually open for business.
Beginning was an obvious choice for my first B word. The point in time or space at which something starts. Its simplicity is perfect. In my attempt to keep things simple however, I found beginnings to be anything but. Now, I’ve confused myself to the point where I can’t define when something begins.
So, I’ll end it here.
This is the beginning of something that I started a long time ago. the B word.
Originally published at http://thebwordonline.net on March 9, 2020.
