Nervous..
(I had written this before the date of my interview that happened on Tuesday this week. It is raw and not formatted using any LLM tools.)
I had a call for interview from one of the company where we studied one of the subjects in our final semester. They are calling all the students who studied there. I don’t have much expectations but don’t know why I felt so nervous yesterday. Due to this, I couldn’t work properly yesterday.
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I had a question in my mind. If I didn’t have much expectation, why did I feel so nervous? One explanation I came through is I was more fearful that I might not know much even basics asked in the interview and feel more bad about myself. I might feel humiliated. Or maybe I have some kind of hidden expectations from the interview that I am not willing to admit myself.
Diving deep, it might also be the deep rooted insecurity that I have about myself. The confidence that I lost. I remember during my school days when I have to face similar nervy situations where I have to speak in stage in front of others or interview like scenarios, I felt nervous but I backed myself that I will do my best. I had that belief in myself that I would perform a banger and I almost never worried about what others will think of me. Today, I forgot to back myself. I probably became too hard on myself. Maybe I detached me from me. I began to worry too much about outside noise, society and so on.
Finally, tomorrow is just an interview. What the fuck will happen if I fumble or whatever. The interviewee has gone through this so much and for them, it is just a day as usual. If so, then with whom I am fearing really? Maybe I am fearing with myself; my past. If so, I just have to convince me to forgive myself if i make any mistakes. I have to tell myself to not judge me. If I agree, then voila.
