There has always been a small part of me that keeps asking, how can people fall in love at first sight? How can someone look at another person and feel something real without even speaking? For me, love has never been that simple.
I realized that everyone grows up with a different kind of love. I never believed in love at first sight because, for me, love always took time. Since I was a kid, I needed to linger, to hold on to things before I could feel attached to them. I had to find something to love, to prove myself to be loved. That was how I grew up. I learned to choose who I loved by observing them carefully, studying how they moved, how they spoke, and deciding quietly if they were worth the risk of loving.
And then there was you.
I had only known you for a few minutes, but my mind was already tingling. Or maybe it was my heart; I still can’t tell the difference. Because of you, I started noticing myself more deeply than I ever had before. You made me aware of parts of me I had ignored for years. How precious of you, my dear, to do that without even trying.
I don’t know exactly what made me drawn to you. Maybe it was the way you carried yourself, or the softness in the way you speak, or maybe something smaller that I can’t put into words. Everything about you makes me curious. I want to get to know you slowly, to discover you piece by piece, without rushing. Every move you make seems delicate, as if I could ruin it by being careless.
When I’m around you, I find myself watching every word I say. You probably don’t notice it, but my eyes always search for you. Even in a crowded room, even when we’re far apart, I keep looking for you as if my body remembers you before my mind does. What could I possibly do about it?
How could you be so precious? How could your smile, your eyes, your small gestures stay with me long after you’re gone? How could the way you speak, the tone of your voice, the little pauses you take between words make me feel like I’m melting from the inside out?
Do you know what I mean by melt? It feels like warmth spreading through my chest until I can’t speak, but I don’t mind. It feels like silence that doesn’t need to be filled. It feels like I could stay in that moment forever.
At first, I told myself I was just curious about you. I wanted to know what kind of person you were, what made you the way you are. But then I remembered that I’m the kind of person who learns how to love before actually feeling it. I always start by observing, then accepting, then growing used to something. That’s when love sneaks in.
But with you, it didn’t take that long. A few glances were enough. A few moments of quiet noticing, and suddenly you were all I could think about. You became the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, ever known, ever noticed. Usually, it takes me time to love someone. I need to learn their rhythm, their patience, their way of existing. But with you, everything felt strangely familiar.
It felt like I already knew you before I met you. It felt like I had loved you before, in another lifetime, and that finding you again was the easiest thing in the world. I can’t say it was love at first sight, but maybe it was love at first remembering.
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I didn’t learn what love is by receiving it. I learned love by giving it, even when no one gave it back. I learned how to love quietly, from a distance, with no expectations. And that’s how I began to learn how to love you.
I observe you. I notice the small things you don’t mean to show. I listen to your tone, your laughter, the way your expression changes when you think. I try to understand what makes you feel safe, what makes you pull away. I memorize all these little things, not because I have to, but because I want to. Everywhere I go, I find myself missing you. When I eat, I imagine what it would be like if you were sitting across from me. When you’re not there, even when I’m busy, life feels a little duller, a little quieter.
If treating you were a song, it would be “You’re Gonna Live Forever in Me” by John Mayer. Because even without promises or vows, I already know I would never want to hurt you. You live in me quietly, and I never want you to feel pain because of me.
If longing for you were a song, it would be “Who Knows” by Daniel Caesar. Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough for you, like I don’t deserve to be beside you. But when I sense your sadness, I want to do everything I can to lift it. You are pure and kind in ways I didn’t think existed anymore. I wish I could be the one to listen to your silence, the one who helps you breathe again. But who knows?
If searching for you instinctively were a song, it would be “Sorrowful Reunion” by Reality Club. It feels like we’ve been apart for so long, even though our eyes just met. Every time I see you, even for a few seconds, I feel something inside me ache, as if it remembers that it’s missing you.
When you’re happy, the song would be “Everyone Adores You (At Least I Do)” by Matt Maltese. Your happiness makes me want to shout to the world to look at you, to see how bright you are. Your smile lights up your eyes like tiny stars. I wouldn’t be surprised if people fell for you instantly. I only wonder how anyone could possibly not.
When you’re quiet or lonely, the song would be “No Other Heart” by Mac DeMarco. In those moments, I wish I could just appear in front of you and whisper, please look at me, choose me, let me be the one to bring the sparkle back to your eyes.
And when you’re scared, I think of “Beautiful Boy” by John Lennon. The line that says “close your eyes, have no fear” plays in my head, and I wish I could comfort you with the same tenderness that song carries.
Actually, you know what? Every song I hear reminds me of you. Even angry songs, even heartbreak songs. Somehow, I always find you in the lyrics. To know you, to adore you, doesn’t drain me. It feels like learning, like studying something sacred. You’ve become the muse in every melody that reaches my ears.
Not just in my heart, but in my thoughts too. People always tell me I think too logically, that I don’t have a heart. But knowing you makes me proud that my mind, with all its logic and reason, I chose you.
Everything I do, I end up seeking you in it. When I’m scared, I remember you. When something good happens, I wish you were there to know. When something bad happens, I wish we could sit in silence together, no words needed.
And every time I write, you appear between the lines. I find you in every sentence, in every word I try to make gentle. I always check my tone, making sure my words are soft enough, because feel like you’re fragile in the most beautiful way. You are something I never want to break.
Do you know what kind of flower that is? It’s a forget-me-not. It even has my favorite color in it. Though it’s small, quiet, and easily overlooked, it holds a promise — a promise that no matter what, I’ll carry you in my thoughts, in my heart, and in the quiet spaces of me that only you can reach.
Oh, how I adore you.
