Ugly Mug
Does your morning coffee lack controversy? Is Folgers burnt taste not fiery enough for you?
Then you need to get yourself a genuine Bill O’Reilly mug. First thing in the morning, you need to remind yourself who you really are. Don’t know? Bill will tell you. Start your day knowing that you’re doing the right thing for your country by putting your money where your mouth is.
Indulge in the ceramic Nationalism. Pour that heavy cream into your cup of pride (you don’t want it to look too brown, you know).
Absorb and internalize every drop, like you do when you have Fox News anchors feeding you the real news. #NoSpin. Did I get that right?
If you don’t have merchandise that tells the world that you’re an unwoke patriot, then everybody will think that you’re a pacifistic libtard. Yes, even your dog.
Listen, in this country we exercise our free will. We are blessed with freedom of speech and we are blessed with bank accounts. We choose to express ourselves through our drinkware.
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We stand up for our country with consumerism, dammit! (Note: this does not apply to Millennials who regularly buy coffee from a coffee shop. You guys really need to be saving :/)
I mean, the unhoused people on our streets can’t even afford to drink coffee, so why would we give a fuck about them? They’re uncaffeinated and insane. The liberals want us to give them our precious coffee mug money!
Don’t get me started on universal healthcare either. You mean to tell me, that MY money would go towards other people receiving the medical care that they should inherently have the right to? The money that is already being used for high private insurance premiums? MY hard earned money? Go towards something useful? That benefits my fellow Americans? MY. MONEY? MY?? Who will buy all the mugs then, dumbass? Bill needs my money!
If you’re “not woke”, then these mugs will help wake you up enough to be more Not Woke! That’s the beauty of coffee. Side note: should we ban liberals from drinking coffee? Comment on my post so that we can find the solution. The more caffeinated they are, the more energy they have to laugh at us :(
So if your mornings are dull due to feeling a little lost, lacking a real connection with your country, and wondering what fixation you should put your whole heart (and wallet) into, then look no further. We have the solution. The solution is a Bill O'Reilly mug. Made in America, for true Americans. Show everyone in your house (your dog) that you mean business.
Yes, I’m being serious. Why are you laughing? Hey. I’m SERIOUS! STOP IT! :’(
