Scarcity
“Dear God, do you hear my whispered prayers over the thundering roar of death?” my throat constricted, in the dead of night, i confide to god, again.
God as the initiator of fate, allows you to peered into the barricaded window of my heart. Protruding in, those hands that God gave you are proper to found the delicate surface where none has touch. Consequently you compels me to confront the vulnerability in me that i have long since forgotten.
In result, i have come to love you. You flood the dry spring with your life, prompting the bird to sing with your laugh. You brought in the light for me to bask in the warmth. You are God’s greatest gift for my unrelenting endurance of worldly torture.
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Of course, the gift did not come without a price, for God’s testament is relentless and He who creates the pleasure and the sorrow, the love and the hatred. How does our love bear the weight of sin, how does something as heavenly coerce them to think that it was an incorporation of hell.
You could not bear it, love. You could not brace the contempt, the suffocating secrecy, those boastful foul-mouthed that parade their fanaticism righteousness thinking they are the closest to God. I am myself crumble from it, countless nights i pray to God to spare us, my knees scrapping and bleeding from pleading. i weep over my lost chance to reunite with beloved mother in heaven, believing heaven will shut its gates on me.
But then i remember God’s will leads you to me, you are the heaven i permit to embrace in my arms. Do not let their distaste deter you from relishing in the untainted generosity of our love, i whispered these words to you as your warm tears moisten my shirt.
I should have bar the door to keep you from stepping out of our shared land. Now i grieve you and the future we could have had. Everything is now barren, the garden cluttered with filthy weed and rotten apples. The ocean swallowed me up and the house on the cliff i would have build for you collapsed in ruin. In you lived the daughter and son i could only ever imagine, haunting me with the tender ache of what can never be. I loved you, and still, they will never come from me.
They said my love for you shackled me to eternal damnation, i jammed my ear with your tender voice and turned a blind eye to the rest of the world but you next to me, until i lost you and proven them right, i am damned forever in the absence of you.
