Limp Language
Before my Junior year started, I read an essay written in the 1970s about women’s speech patterns compared to men, an essay called “You Are What You Say” by Robin Lakoff. While this essay was written nearly five decades ago, with dozens of phrases and terms being phased in and out of the typical lingo within that time, this way of fluffing our words has not died yet. It makes me wonder: How do these linguistic habits impact women today? How have these linguistic habits impacted ME today?
With the newer virtual environment, most of today’s conversations are happening online through text and email. My email’s “sent” tab provides me with a catalog of messages mixed with half-statements, exclamation points, and smiley faces to prevent any misinterpretation that I am anything but unfriendly. Unfortunately, assertiveness will likely be met with the idea that I am bossy or demanding, but my soft tone makes me seem weak.
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Often, our way of “softening the blow” of what we have to say affects how easy (or should I say, difficult) it is to set clear boundaries. In hopes of being met with an understanding response or kindness, we precede what we say with an “I think…” or “I feel…”.
Instead of saying “No thanks” to an invite, we have been taught to put it gently with a “Maybe another day, I’m not feeling it.” It’s sweet, but it doesn’t stand strong and it is easy to dismiss.
One of Lakoff’s notes on the linguistics of women is how they tend to leave their statements at an open mid-point between yes and no, or at a mid-point between a question and a statement. This uncertainty, this lack of confidence makes us seem dumb, and often opens up room for people to walk all over what we have to say. So many people STILL feel the need to make themselves seem like less to show respect. We have been trained to suffocate any confidence in the things we say in hopes of our strength not coming off as a threat.
What we say is changed from a command, to a question. The way women speak still seems to be a lose-lose situation, coming off as unwelcoming when using the “man’s” way of speaking (A.K.A., being clear and precise with what they mean) or, coming off as weak because they were taught being nice and lowering yourself is the way to show respect.
