No Contact
I heard a radio show with callers, on for about an hour just last week. I tried to run from it but ended up listening to the whole thing. Mostly women going no contact with their mother’s. One with her father and sister as well. For me it would be that and on my phone and an ex, if I could right now. That would be ideal. There were also two great, long time friends. It’s been horrible but also freeing.
The callers all felt so much better near immediately after, as did I after I went no contact with my mom, although now I feel she may not know that’s what happened and in which case that would be a nightmare, especially for my daughters, if she and or my sister stated narcissistically while crying that they didn’t know why and then yeah I would be the baddie. Immediately the next day, I started writting on this platform and felt good.
No contact with my mother, the radio host said it’s the best thing to do to make sure they know it’s no contact and I felt badly, like I did something wrong. I had massive text communications with both, me fighting and them humiliating me and being confusing at the same time, me saying I can not put up with the way its been, 45 years going back and forth with my mother etc., and she ignored every single thing I said.
Then I was seriously manipulated, she made plans with my daughters to see a play but lied before etc. I can’t believe all of the shit I can now see. I said I can’t do this anymore or something to that effect and then I blocked her from text, phone and email. I think it’s clear. It’s no contact. Although I haven’t deleted their info. Hadn’t occurred to me until I heard the show. At least they both disrespected and manipulated me. She must have been getting ready to dump me. Even better, but a painful loss for two weeks for sure, painfully free.
I had wished she was dead in my 20’s (less painful I thought than having her just electively decided to not be with me) and then many times, thought of disowning her, as it was called, many, many times.
My siblings are all younger except my ex is the oldest. I spent my birthday alone, for four days over the family day long weekend, she skied with my ex and daughter, one day but then my ex took my daughter the other two, there was a snow storm. She did it behind my back like my mother did, exactly the same way, weirdly. It made it easy, I took my opportunity. She blocked me first. Then I speant it alone this time as well because my daughters didn’t want to see me because we faught over the holidays. I got in a car accident. His fault. How much has to do with what she is saying and doing behind my back? Probably not at all. Nothing at all.
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They work together. I could have said no to him, but I didn’t. He, like my father, have changed, like my mother, they are so fucking weird now, trying to maintain control with this change. They both gave me a hard time. I held my ground but had to pay in blood for the brunches. Never again.
I told my father I will not come into the house, he lives a few blocks away, nor go to brunch. He zipped his coat up over the phone so I could hear it. Only emails. I broke it down into the size of a telegram and still I gave too much warmth!!! ( Locked me in, freaked me out, walked right behind me past the Schermann house). Why do I feel such an intense pull to them, I have impulse control issues, even t the neighbours? The zip almost worked.
I need a job where I make 4K a month or I have to move, my ex will nolonger send money, this month, the government nolonger sends this month and that leaves my father due to age of youngest child. I HAVE A PROBLEM. A big, big problem. I want out but he doesn’t like my plans for no communication just money. If I leave here I lose my daughters living here even if in actuality two days a year??? I could rent one room? It will never be enough. He is sosososo obvious, way more than all of the others, he knows I see him. Are they stupid?? Only depending on the element of mean surprise?? Don’t forget the neighbour.
After the radio show I saw peoples arms and heads everywhere around the kitchen and the dinning room. Like paranoid, people sneaking up on me, everwhere. Horibble dreams, the worst re my ex and father. I dreamt my ex was a menendez brother. He really has wanted me dead since the divorce 15 years ago. I heard him crying to my daughter that he loves her, in the bathroom when she didn’t stay over with me for Thanksgiving. Have they no shame????
I see it all now and I can’t fucking believe it. I couldn’t NO contact my ex we have two children. Is it just fear without the finances because 18? The thing I have to remember is that I felt fear and anger to my mother, fear of how they were going to manipulate my daughters, and I still do, but it was still so much better afterwards. I did block my father and ex briefly, to see how it felt. Pretty good as it turns out.
No Contact Mother— lose daughters? — Didn’t. Ex and father — — lose daughters?— — still unknown. I will be better NO CONTACT ALL FOUR but homeless. So I am doing less (ACTUALLY MORE)contact with my father and almost no contact with my ex. He’ll be the first to go when my daughters are stronger. Who would be strong enough for this? A slow, intense, trickle, from the best.
I do keep sending my young adult daughters medium stories and brene brown you tube, they keep thinking I’m calling them names.
