forward beckon relapse
I am out of prayers to make you dissappear,
I am begging like a child who never existed without fear,
I am learning to live in a world that has only taught me to survive,
You are still here, the walls tell me every night.
It lives in you, in everything you do,
You cleared up the mess, what is left is the residue,
You try and try to make it go away,
Until you realize it is what you were made of,
It chases you in the moonlight and under the sun’s ray,
The innocent kid in you has you running every day.
How do you escape from something when that something has built a home in you,
Grown into a comfort you never found in your own?
You forgive, you forget, simple rule of life,
Then you look in the mirror, are met with the scars,
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Forced to face what is not even there,
she left some to you, it’s a nice share,
“It's in the past, no longer shall it haunt”
Yet it shows up, in triggers and taunts
You relapse into the feeling,
Through people and places, the emotion gets lost,
In the mundanity of the familiarity,
You stop complaining; perhaps it is your sunk cost,
Maybe growth is a shield,
To keep me from the battlefield,
That accompanies me everywhere as I fight it,
I tell it that I know better now,
I have left her behind,
I don’t recite the same lore,
A sacred sacrifice,
I am not 13 anymore.
