July
“My mind feels so noisy,” I told someone — and that’s what has been disturbing me for these past few months. My head is filled with thoughts that I’m not good enough, that my presence isn’t much help in their life, that I don’t truly understand them, that I’m not worthy of them.
I don’t even know when those thoughts started coming so intensely, but they’ve been eating away at my fragile soul until I can no longer stand on my own. My sleep schedule has changed, my eating habits are a mess, and the cheerful version of me has slowly sunk and disappeared amidst the endless noise inside my head.
I just miss your smile and your laughter. I miss your voice. I miss your scent from the first time we met — your tall figure with that perfume I loved, carried so softly through the air of that cool, air-conditioned room. I still remember every detail of that meeting.
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Is it wrong if sometimes I admit that I miss your messages? That I miss everything about you, the countless nights we spent together, even if only through text?
I know this isn’t the ending you wanted, and it’s not what I wanted either. But forgive me if this time I have to be selfish — to put myself first before I fall too deep.
Please remember, I don’t hate you, and I’m no longer angry at you. I just feel that letting you go back then might have been the best choice for you right now. I sincerely pray that God always protects you and fills your life with happiness.
yours,
Delphinium
