Soy Chicana de Primera Generación
“I am the product of people whose love propelled me out of cycles of violence that they themselves couldn’t even escape.” — Tariq “Black Thought” Trotter
I am a “bitch” to a lot of people and many men because I do not tolerate disrespect. I talk back and I stand up for myself — for all of the women in my lineage who did not have the power to do so. So when I stand up for myself and when I raise my voice, with your ears you are hearing and in your chest you are feeling the voices of all of the women in my lineage who have been silenced.
Soy una “perra” para mucha gente y muchos hombres porque no tolero que me falten el respeto. Soy contestona y me defiendo, por todas las mujeres de mi linaje que no tuvieron el poder de hacerlo. Así que cuando me defiendo y alzo la voz, con tus oídos estás escuchando y en tu pecho estás sintiendo las voces de todas las mujeres de mi linaje que han sido silenciadas.
Soy Chicana de primera generación. That means I was born to two young Mexican immigrants who moved to Oakland, CA in the 80’s, looking for a better life for each other and for their unborn children. Something I find so touching is how thousands of immigrants move to the United States in search of a better life for their future generations. The willingness to live a life full of struggles so that others can live a better one falls in line with Paolo Freire’s praxis theory and Huey P. Newton’s revolutionary suicide. Meaning, these folks are living for a tomorrow that they may not even have the opportunity to experience themselves but trusting that those after them can and will build something with the opportunities presented to them. A profound act of courage grounded in hope (Newton).
Growing up, the reality that my parents and their siblings were the first in our lineage to live in the United States was something I was always fully aware of. While a lot of my other Chicano homies who were second or third gen, lived in homes that were left to their parents by their grandparents, my family and I rented apartments. We were working on the framework of our future together but this didn’t stop my parents from encouraging me to pursue education, learn as much as possible, and take advantage of every opportunity that could give me a better life. My momma, my best friend, wanted me to experience things and encouraged me to do things for myself. She was the first true feminist I met. She never mistreated me, talked down to me, or pressured me to do things for the approval of men. In her and my pop’s mind, the longer I could hold off on marrying and having children, the better. They wanted me to live for me.
They raised my older brother and I on the same philosophy — our gender did not matter to them. They gave us both the same advice, same rules, same chores, and they were never on my ass on some misogynistic shit. My pops let me wear whatever I wanted, let me speak freely, and never expected me to do things like serve his plate for dinner or clean up after him. I was his daughter and my brother was his son but while these roles meant two very different things in your average Mexican household, to him, it meant nothing besides the fact that we were his children and he loved us.
Get Genesis Alejo’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
Now remember, these are Mexican parents. In many immigrant families, this sort of parenting is unheard of. To outsiders looking in, la hija de Maricela y Aurelio estaba fuera de control. I questioned things, I “talked back,” wasn’t interested in dating, I cursed, and on top of all that, out of all the sports presented to me, I somehow decided to start boxing when I was 12 years old. Not very lady-like. I was a tomboy. I did most shit by myself without running it by anyone besides my parents and I wasn’t raised to act the way most young women of color were expected to, therefore, I was a problem.
I was a walking enigma. I was a cute little girl who did shit like cut her own hair with a pair of scissors to look like Mulan. I snapped back when you said something mean, I’d throw two punches when you threw one at me, and would play pranks on immature adults who tried to project their insecurities onto me. The autonomy that my parents ingrained in me bothered many adults who felt like they had none in their waking life. A lot of them disliked me but others really enjoyed my candidness. The ones who liked me, would take me under their wing, told me to never lose my ambition or voice, and pushed me to take my education seriously. Due to my inability to be constrained into the box that the patriarchy had built for me, I realized very early in life that female independence in communities of color was revolutionary.
Please note that I mean no disrespect to current mothers and married women. There is no denying or undermining your role in this world. I love my mother and I would never say anything to disrespect her or anyone else's mother. But as my mother told me in my youth, if you are a single woman of color, decenter men. Be free, live for yourself, and chase your dreams, not somebody’s son. You are only young once, you should not spend your life and youth on seeking approval from anyone. For generations, Black and Latina women have had to take care of men and take on their struggles. Being a young woman of color who is unmarried and childless is not something a lot of women in your lineage have had the opportunity to experience.
Take a moment to think about how many generations of women – how many generations of your ancestors have had to struggle for you to have the freedom to choose? Never take their struggles for granted.
I’m not against relationships or partnerships but to live your life always in a relationship and never experience what it is like to be single and live life on your own terms is pretty fucking crazy if you think about it. Too many of the women that you know and love have had to give up something of great value for a man and I just don’t think that’s fair. To be a young, fearless woman of color with her own ambitions, thoughts, life, who is not seeking male approval or looking to be the extension of a man who does not actively choose her everyday — now that was your ancestors wildest dreams.
I’ve made it part of my identity to live my life paying homage to my ancestors. Every step I take has purpose. I live to not only to make myself proud but to make those who did not have the same opportunities as me proud as well. When you have folks in your life who rely on you and who have worked their entire lives to put you in a better position than they’ve ever been, there’s no time to fuck around.
So yes, I am a “bitch” to a lot of people and many men because I do not allow them to waste my time and energy. I live for myself and don’t let people tell me what to do — for all of the women in my lineage who did not have the power to do so. I do not spend my days carefully carving away at myself to become the perfect wife — for all of the women in my lineage who so desperately wanted the chance to be their own person. So please, as you read the words I’ve written through your screen, keep in mind that with your eyes you are reading the words that the women in my lineage have had to swallow.
“You will be someone’s ancestor. Act accordingly.” – Amir Sulaiman
