Fifteen
She stands on the front porch of the house, staring aimlessly at the fresh layer of un-shoveled snow neatly covering the grass. Hat, coat, and gloves, already had on to suppress the biting December chill. The sun shines all too brightly today, though it does little to actually warm her up. Her backpack is nearly empty besides a red-stringed letter, neatly written, that had been tucked safe-enough inside, the night before.
Today would be the day she told her everything. The one person that seemed to warm her up despite the layered frost. Mother hadn’t been home for a week now, but the girl had already learned how to take care of herself before. Her mother was the only person she looked forward to talking to when she came home today. The girl hoped this time she could fix what she’d done and make her stay happy like before.
She exhales, the heat from her mouth warming up into a small puff of fog. Though it leaves her lips drier than before.
Her bus reaches its stop, but she doesn’t get on, staring from afar. After a few yards of walking, she makes her way to a shoveled part of the sidewalk. The one she always uses on her way to school. Walking past her stop, remnants of snow crunch beneath her boots. The cold wind slaps harshly against her bare skin. It’s unpleasant surely, but today she doesn’t mind.
“Goodbye bus. Goodbye, stop.”
Dear Mrs. Abaru pauses her shoveling to wave across the street, with a lovely smile of white-lined teeth.
“Dear, don’t you catch a cold now!”
The girl waves back, managing a smile to the middle-aged woman.
She takes the longest path today. Snow clings to the branches of barren trees, but a chilly breeze quickly sends them off. Winter is her least favorite month because of how cold it can get around the house. Mother works all too much during winter months too and doesn’t get home till late in the night.
A long walk brings her to school soon enough, and she makes it to class right on time. Mr. Luck is all dressed as Santa Claus to surprise the class. He dances around wildly, and hands out sweet treats in the name of Christmas spirit. The kids grin and snicker, but he doesn’t seem to care.
Recess comes round quick enough. She sits alone at a bench, red-stringed letter in her right-gloved hand. The children laugh and play during recess time. But, too tired today, she doesn’t join in. Her fingers trace the folded edges, careful not to bend the neatly creased paper.
The last bell rings at the end of the day. The girl waits for the buses to leave before walking home.
“I have to hurry back.” she whispers under her breath.
The tips of her fingers tingle, a warmth that brings life to her senses. She takes a different path after school. The shortest, she’d discovered one day exploring. Usually, she’d be more hesitant to go this route, but today was special, so she couldn’t wait.
Cars drove past every once in a while, dragging a bitter breeze behind them. The road was quite slick, so she had to be careful not to slip. The last time she’d gotten hurt, her right arm fractured and had to wear a cast for six months. Mother really wasn’t happy at all. The medical bills were what she hated the most. A fleeting memory caused her arm to ache, with the pain that she’d buried further than anything else.
‘When I was your age, I never caused any fucking problems for my parents! Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass huh?!’
The child knew mother would understand though, when she told her everything. She’d improved so much, and times were hardly the same.
“I’ll fix things. She’ll love me just as much as Sonia.”
A tricky breeze sweeps away the letter in her right hand. Her heart jumps over itself twice, pacing faster than a hound. She scans the street, eyes darting from the sidelines.
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Right in the middle of the road, the letter lays flat on its back. The child curses herself for letting it slip through her hands.
She drops her bag onto the snow, and pauses, cooking up a plan.
“I could run across fast enough and grab it.”
Her eyes look left, before right, and she waits a moment for a driving car to pass by. Luckily it doesn’t run over the letter as well.
Her lips exhale, and when the coast is clear, she sprints as fast as she can, grabbing the letter firmly, almost slips, but runs back in time before any cars could arrive. She pauses for a moment to catch her breath. Then hoists her bag and shoves the letter deep inside before zipping it shut.
A small tear creases her chapped lips leaving behind a seam of blood. The pain settles almost instantly before she licks away the wound quickly.
The girl turns back on her path, hands trembling from the cold. The sun watches back when she lifts her gaze, trying to suck up any trace of its warmth. Her eyes flutter shut, and she draws in crisp air that threatens to freeze her lungs. She blinks fast, to force the sting away, but it doesn’t work. Her lungs catch on something tight in her chest, like her body can’t decide whether to inhale or fall apart.
The salt stings her lips as it flows down her face, but she wipes it away with the backside of her gloves and licks her raw lips. As she walks along, her body gets used to the increasing chill. But a hidden spot of black ice trips the child, sending her landing on her backside in pain.
“Ugh.” the girl groans.
The roar of a stuttering engine startles her, forcing the girl to turn her head immediately. She froze as two white lights grew closer and closer, moving in an instant, leaving her unsure of what to do next. The resounding screech of tires drags across the snow, engulfing her in the brightness, before a crash mutes all kinds of noise.
A thin layer of snow melts underneath her back, the heat from it digging into the ground, as she lays motionless, catching sight of the sky in wonder. Snowfall had picked up again, settling gently on her face as it landed.
It seems like everything had this brilliance to it, and even the snow glistened with hues of colors she’d only ever made out for the first time.
“Wow...” her mind grew hazy as she thought to herself.
An outside voice yells out to her. The sound is muddled, but it sounds familiar. Warm arms take hold of her body. They shake her, causing the girl to finally feel the burning sensation underneath her skin, spread over her face and hands. A warmth drips onto her face, from above, and the arms pull her close. The voice breathes life, heaving and unsteady against her.
The child still, does not realize who has been with her all this time.
Her lungs choke for air, but it feels like she’s losing more and more of it. Soon enough, her eyes begin to feel heavy over themselves. She can’t remember the last time she’d gotten a decent night of sleep, and the thought was more tempting now than anything.
Sounds morphed into one another. Voices blurred together. The colors and shapes diluted into one. The girl attempted to lift her eyelids, but no matter how much she told them to budge, they glued themselves to her eyeballs even more.
The voice begs a thousand times over and over. Her lungs almost catch it, but the air lodges itself in her throat before it can reach them.
Mom? I’m sorry.
