Femininity
What does it mean to be feminine?
I’ve had a few references to this over the years that I’ve been alive.
In Kindergarten, being feminine could mean wearing the prettiest dresses.
In an all-girls school, being feminine could mean having long hair and hair neatly tied into pigtails. Or wearing one’s pinafores neatly. Never having a strand of hair out of place. Smiling always, however one was feeling inside. Girls should be pleasant.
On dates, being feminine could mean wearing dresses and applying make-up. Not speaking too loudly, being more withheld and less vocal about my opinions. Allowing the other party to pay sometimes. This depends on whether the other party feels that you are worth the value.
In a relationship, being feminine could mean allowing your partner to take the lead and affording him the respect that he needs.
I’ve also had less superficial references, like the biblical Proverbs 31 woman. She is hardworking, resourceful and self-sacrificial.
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These days, I think being authentic makes me feminine. God created me as a girl and a woman. I am sensitive and feel deeply. I may be assertive in the way I communicate sometimes, but I do care when doing so may hurt other people’s feelings. I am receptive to change and feedback. I allow myself to grow and become different.
Re-exploring dance has helped me to feel more feminine. Engaging in Barre and Pilates, which focus on posture, form and balance, makes me feel feminine. Being around other women brings out my femininity. I do not have to adjust. I feel like I can be myself.
What about seeming contradictions?
I don’t think desiring independence makes me less feminine. I don’t think working on my inward strength and developing good character qualities make me less feminine. Independence and femininity are not mutually exclusive. Or at least, I’d like to think that.
To be so aware of this question may be a little strange, but every individual faces a social pressure to conform. Sometimes, others may imply that I am too bold and loud for a lady. However, I feel that my strength is actually my asset. My strength is what gives me the courage to stand up for what I believe in, and to defend what I love, including people who may not feel strong enough to defend themselves. Being assertive has allowed me to say “no” and protect my boundaries, which has allowed me to say “yes” to the important things. Being “confrontational” has helped me to guard my heart and reduce the relational toxicity in my life.
But I am not all strength, and I don’t have a “ROAR”.
My femininity grants me compassion and helps me to forgive. I can’t bear the sadness and pain experienced by someone else, especially if I have a role in caring for them. I naturally want to nurture and invest in their growth and healing.
I may not get the definition and implementation right per se, but I always try to work towards a balance — meeting others’ needs while not losing authenticity; making adjustments in relationships so that others can feel comfortable; and being consistently open and committed to positive change and growth.
How do you define femininity? Is that a definition that is true of and comfortable for you?
