I’m male and I’m feeling terrible… Starting my journey into low Testosterone
For the last few years I have been feeling terrible and I have been suffering in the background. Until recently when I finally got my diagnosis.
I have low testosterone, low enough that I have been recommended to start Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT).
I will use Medium as my record (or will try to) to take time to tell people about what I am going through the impacts TRT is having (the good, the bad and the ugly) and to help raise awarenesss to people about this condition and if it resonates with people to encourage you to go seek advice and help.
So in this first blog I’ll go through what has led me to TRT, the symptoms and effects it’s had on me so far.
I have always gone to the gym, I enjoy resistance training, moving my body and it’s my stress relief. However, despite eating right having a PT (even becoming a PT myself in 2016) I have never had a very muscular physique and have always carried fat around my mid section that just never seemed to shift. Around 2 years ago I realised that despite best efforts I was getting worse, my lifts were weaker, my energy levels lower and trying to keep the fat off and the weight down was harder.
At first, as many of you probaly think right now, I thought this is just age catching up with me. I’m 38 years old, it had to happen at some point and “lets face it Chris you’ve done some pretty stupid things in your life it was only a matter of time before it all caught up with you.”
But then it started to bleed into other parts of my life. My friends have always mocked me for the fact I use the term “stuff and things” a lot, normally unable to find a specific word “thing” became the filler. Around a year ago it got so bad that I could barely string a sentence together, and it wasn’t finding a word the issue anymore, it was my brain couldn’t remember the words or what I was even trying to say.
Which I will tell you now, is some scary scary shit. Because you know what else has that symptom? All manner of degenerative brain and neurological conditions. Needless to say at times I was low key freaking out. While also trying to keep it from my wife who was also going through some stuff and I didn’t want to add it to her plate.
Then came some other issues, general mood depression. I have basically always been an optimistic person all through my 20s and mid 30s, I believe in the ultimate good nature of people and society. About 12 months ago I found myself forcing myself to be positive around people when on my own just feeling down and having a real sense of anxiety and a little dread. Again at first I thought this might be stress, there was stuff going on at work that was super hard for all of us.
Also came another issue, my libido plummetted as did my ability to get my motor running. I was 37 years old and I was suffering from limpness. This is defintiely not ok!
So I had some bloods done, they came back with some lowish numbers and a really high Sex Hormone Binding Globulin (SHBG), Dr. says “production of testosterone is fine, free testosterone is a little low because of the high SHBG, heres some Boron pills, take this and have another test in few weeks”. So I did, and a few weeks later I felt a little better, not wonderful but better and bloods revealed that my SHBG was elevated but better than it was and my free T was up as well. Wohoo, thank you magic pill that is Boron.
But what they don’t tell you is you have to cycle Boron, your body gets used to it over time and low and behold, a few months later I’m back to where I was. Feeling limp in all the ways.
So I cycled Boron as someone suggested and this helped. Until about 6 months ago when I entered such a depressed state I was worried about my mental and physical health. Work wasn’t going so well, I was exhausted all the time, the cost of living crisis was just eating up any spare money and then some. It was shit, I felt like shit and I fortunately ignored all of the WebMD suggestions of:
- Brain Cancer
- Other Brain Tumors
- Degenerative Brain Disease
- Parkinsons
- Various Mental Health conditions
I mean if I wasn’t panicking before I was after that little search.
I had another blood test which revealed my free test levels were low again. But the company wouldn’t do anything more about it because production was normal. I was recommended some Testosterone enhancing pills with Ginseng etc etc. I’d tried these before and I wasn’t going down that expensive and ineffective route again.
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For the last 6 months I have felt like all I am doing is going through the motions of life.
I finally decided to reach out to another company 2 weeks ago, seeking a second opinion. Luckily for me they were much more investigatitive, I had another blood test done a more comprehensive one that revealed my production was actually low now as well as my free testosterone and my SHBG was elevated but well within normal (despite not having taken Boron for a while — in the trough phase they call it).
The markers are there, it looks like I, like a large number of men globally, have all the effects of low testosterone. It’s a relief to get a diagnosis that makes sense and I can see a test that gives me numbers and validates this.
I could have easily gone to a GP and ended up on anti-depressants, a symptom reliever and not one easily taken off again. Unlike a hormone imbalance or metabolic condition, mental health conditions are very hard to diagnose in a black and white test. They still remain largely misunderstood by General Practioners and so has both the effect of being largely misdiagnosed and under-diagnosed. We as a western society do really need to do better with mental health support and treatments (but thats a whole different blog).
I’m only touching the surface of all the different symptoms and effects I have had over the years and how actually I suspect my Testosterone levels have always been lower than average. Looking back in my past during my 20’s theres so many small signs that now make a lot more sense.
As I embark on this journey I’ll keep writing and being honest about how things are going and how I am feeling, if only for me to have an outlet.
So before I sign off on this one here’s a list of symptoms that are common and less common if you have low testosterone that I have:
- Low or no libido
- Depressive mood and or anxiety
- Erectile Dysfunction (so even when you feel like getting frisky you can’t, thanks body, really helps with the anxiety that one)
- Sense of fatigue. For some people it’s after dinner for me it is essentially after lunch (your testosterone levels start to drop after 11am apparently)
- Motivation and or Joy of life diminished. Shockingly hard to quantify this one but when you look back and self reflect I see a declining pattern.
- Hard to lose fat and/or fat easily put on around abdomen etc. Yeah this was fun 2 years of having a PT who thought I was sneaking tubs of ice cream because it took me a year to lose 5kg of weight and I never went below 15% body fat even when I was eating right. It took all of 3 days of Christmas for me to put 5kg back on and it hasn’t gone since — despite exercising hard 4 days a week and watching my diet.
- Mood swings… I apologise now to everyone for whom I would road rage at… I’m blaming it on the Testosterone and not on your lousy driving. I also cry at all sorts and not just Disney Pixar movies.
- Joint pains, sciatica and slow healing after training sessions. A less commonly understood or known issue with hormone issues. I’m very much hoping that this is relieved by me being on TRT because this actually really could be old age and frankly that sucks
- Mental fog and diminished clarity. This was a big one for me, I hope it’s reduced by TRT because frankly it’s super upsetting to just blank entire sentences.
- High cholesterol, this one I have always had despite having good blood pressue and low resting heart rate no one could ever explain it to me either.
Thats all I can remember for now.
And one final thing, I’ll be providing the stats as I have them on me and my hormones:
Age: 38
Height: 180cm (5ft 10")
Weight: 85.3 Kgs (not doing the conversion on this one learn metric)
Waist size: 85cm
Hip: 109cm
Waist to Hip = 0.78
Body Fat: 17.9%
