Sobriety Can Be a Lonely Journey
Why I’m Tired of Hearing, “You’re Not Fun Anymore.”
When I decided to give up alcohol, I didn’t realize the loneliness I would experience at times.
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Today I’ve been alcohol free for 427 days. My first day of sobriety was March 30, 2025. After a bad night of drinking, fighting with a friend (a typical behavior when I was drunk), getting home in the early morning after walking home, and having a terrible hangover, it was finally clear to me that I could not continue drinking alcohol. No, I didn’t drink every day, but when I did drink, I couldn’t have just one or two or three. I would end up drinking six or seven or eight. There were a few lightbulb moments during my drinking years when I would think to myself, “Wow, I drank a full six-pack myself.” Unfortunately, those lightbulb moments didn’t last long, and I continued drinking. On many nights, I would pregame while getting ready to go out, which helped me reach my 7–8 drinks. Depending on the day and how busy my friends were, we sometimes all left work early around 3 pm and headed to a local bar to start drinking. While I had no intentions of drinking when I got to work that morning, once a group text got rolling, and my friends responded “yes” to leaving work, the drinking was on.
2024 was the worst year of my drinking. I was going through a divorce, living in an apartment by myself, working a job that was stressful and didn’t feel secure, and I was struggling to figure out who I really was. I was also still grieving the loss of my mom, who had passed away 4 years earlier, right at the beginning of COVID. Her loss threw me into a spiral that I didn’t realize I was in, but that’s another story for another time.
Choosing to give up alcohol was scary, especially when the majority of my social life and “friendships” were centered around going to bars. Once I made the decision, I didn’t look back, but I had to deal with the reactions of telling friends and family. Everyone was mostly supportive, but I did get many questions and comments: “Why are you stopping?” “Can’t you have just one?” “You won’t be fun anymore.” “Are you too cool?” Or “It’s not like you drink every night.” I’d also get defensive responses I didn’t expect, like, “Well, I’m not stopping.” (I didn’t ask you to). Or, “I only have like two or three when I’m out.” (Great, good for you.) I’m not asking you to change your behavior. I’m just telling you what’s going on with me. Some people were a bit relentless with their questioning, and I recently had one friend tell me, once again, that I wasn’t fun anymore — and I’ve been sober well over a year now! Get over it! Sometimes I wonder if these comments, while mostly intended as humorous jabs from the deliverer, are disguised as jealousy because they don’t dare to stop, even though they might want to.
Sobriety can be a lonely journey. However, at the end of the day, I have only me to answer to, and that’s all that matters. My new life in sobriety has brought me peace and clarity I never knew before. If you’re sober curious, I encourage you to explore podcasts, books, or connect with a sober friend. Creating a new, fulfilling life is possible; it requires courage, and it can be truly rewarding!
