Maybe
It’s been a long time since i last did this. I can’t believe I’m here again, writing on Medium, opening a part of myself i thought had already closed. I won’t pretend this is meant to be read. I’m writing because holding it in feels heavier than letting it go, with no expectation of a reply.
Every time I achieve something, you are still the first person I think of. I don’t try to understand why anymore. I’m not saying that I miss you, that feels unnecessary, and I’m not sure I’m allowed to say it. But in moments that should feel complete, there is a pause. A brief realization that the person I want to tell is no longer there. I just accept that some habits stay, even when the person is gone.
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The hardest part about not talking to someone isn’t the absence. It’s reaching the goals you once talked about together and having nowhere to place the happiness. I will achieve everything we spoke about. I will keep going. But you will only see it from a distance, through a screen, instead of being beside me when it happens.
I’m deeply grateful for all of my achievement. Not because I want to prove anything to the world, but because I wish you could see me and quietly think, you did it.
I got accepted into the university I once told you about. I can now stand in front of many people and speak about my achievements.
I’m proud of myself truly. And maybe — just maybe — somewhere, a small part of you would be proud too.
