I read something today about anger…
The suggestion was that sometimes anger is a form of communication aimed at getting what you want. That it’s triggered because you’re Not getting what you want.
I think that’s true. But more often, the want is not ‘compliance’ but to be seen, heard and cared for. The act of consideration and acknowledgement goes such a long way.
When you’ve gone years communicating your needs wants desires etc to someone committed to not hearing you or committed to redirecting you out of self protection, that need to be heard simply wells up. It comes out like a geyser rivaling ole faithful in its force. For someone trying to correct for the years in which they were committed to redirection or being a wall, that’s not easy for sure.
The years spent being compassionate, patient and taking on their weight of the relationship so they could be more comfortable are profoundly over. It’s now their turn to take up that yoke.
That’s my opinion I guess. It actually goes pretty damn far.
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My family used to joke that I couldnt be angry for more than three days. And to be honest about it, the energy it took to be that angry for that long was just a dumb way to spend my energy.
But, more than that, there was always within that three day window, a very real absorption of my upset along with a very genuine apology and more importantly….Change.
Accountability, ownership, change. Powerful stuff.
So…yeah Jason, you make some good points, AND there are also circumstances when the anger isn’t so much a choice as it is an earned outcome.
It’s how you respond to that earned outcome that makes the difference.
Importantly, consider…if it was years in the making…it’s not going to be hours or days in the unmaking.
Probably some physics involved there.
