Model data models — The case for Ms.Kaia Gerber
Dear reader,
This is a Zayn Malik hook.
The world continues to spin on its axis, but you can guarantee that a constant among change is Zayn Malik on barber salon posts.
The original hook — Karama, Hayes Valley, East Village. Doesn’t matter. There’s Zayn Malik. Flowing hair, don’t care.
Let’s talk about hooks. Because that’s what we’ve been reduced to as a species — spending an inordinate amount of time on social media, where a large percentage of our population ideate, create, and develop hooks to get you on your screens and ~smashing that like / share / comment.
What a species indeed.
2 years ago, I fell and tore my ACL, got carted to the ER, ghosted by my by therapist, and stumbled onto something strange. Faces started showing up as IG hooks because my other account was a female focused wellness brand (but that’s another story).
Faces— the blonde woman from Euphoria, Austin Butler’s girlfriend, the two sisters from the Kardashians show, Alec Baldwin’s daughter, Zayn’s Malik’s ex, the Weeknd’s ex, Zendaya, and more.
My male gaze. These are obviously incredible intelligent and talented women but I had no idea who they were. Because I never cared much for the concept of celebrity — we were raised in a stoic, Tamil house far away from all of this.
And all of a sudden —these recurring celebrity faces (and numbers — but that’s another story).
At first, I was bemused — but then curious. If these humans’ faces were being used across different IG account constructs — what would happen if I objectively reviewed their works (from a male gaze perspective) to see the level of depth in their writing.
So with nothing but time on my hands, I gathered some data and then put together my PoV with the help of my Shih Tzu (reviewing the data through her eyes).
And I had my answer.
But now that the male gaze data analysis was complete, I decided to ask more appropriate individuals for their perspective — women.
I hobbled from Luxor to LA — pick a name. You tell me — the female gaze, who should be running the algorithm.
Dear reader, ere are the results.
Research Goal:
Analyze top influencer content to determine real-world effect.
Scope:
IG 30 under 30 (in no particular order):
Hailey Bieber, Kendall Jenner, Kylie Jenner, Gigi Hadid, Bella Hadid, Kaia Gerber, Sydney Sweeney, Madison Beer, Alia Bhatt (over 30 but included), Dua Lipa, Zendaya, Lisa, Jennie, Rosie, Sabrina Carpenter, The Wizard Liz.
Survey:
🥇 Outcome:
Ms. Kaia Gerber.
Why Ms. Kaia Gerber?
a. Brand Choice (Library Science)
Doesn’t sell — recommends. Books, not blush. Stories, not just selfies.
A feed that feels like a well-written zine, not a commercial.
b. Merch Accessibility ($3 highlighter)
Low price. You can sit with me and afford it.
Get Gautham V’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
c. Platform Use: Bold, Progressive
No clickbait. Just conversations that expand the frame.
Runners-Up:
2. Mrs. Hailey Bieber
a. Business Acumen (Rhode with a capital $B)
b. Merch Accessibility (clean, misused by JBieber)
c. Mental Fortitude (surviving the internet the way she does deserves its own award)
3. Ms. Madison Beer
a. Strong Writing (cites academic sources on mental health)
b. Platform for Women (shares the mic)
c. Inclusivity (showcases fans like no one other)
Note: Ms. Bella Hadid excluded to avoid “inflammatory rhetoric.” In more nuanced world, we’d be able to debate her legacy. Not in this one.
2025, San Francisco
Modern dystopia: Unemployment up, insufferable tech founders with b2b SaaS companies, unpredictable sidewalks (human or dog poop — you choose), angry honks at driverless cars.
Let’s define our analysis baseline.
Q. What are data models?
A structured way to organize and make sense of information.
Q. What are models?
A visual medium for status, style, and beauty ideals.
Q. So what are model data models?
A digital blueprint for high-impact influencers.
Model Metrics:
1. Social Media Signals
- Followers-per-post efficiency
- Comments: limited or curated
- Transparency: % of self-revealing content
- Estimated bot follower % (yes, I have an equation)
2. Brand Influence
- Cultural weight of partnerships
- Messaging integrity
- Affordability & accessibility
3. Social Quotient (Z Score)
- Genuine replies to fans
- % sponsored posts
- Presence of less represented fans
- Engagement during real-world events (elections, protests, disasters)
Closing Note
Dear reader,
The internet is only getting louder. Louder voices, faster scrolls, more noise.
But what a young girl sees each day — what she consumes — may shape how she looks at herself in the mirror. Whether she feels worthy, powerful, beautiful.
This essay isn’t to compare. It’s to spotlight. Kaia Gerber is a data anomaly. A woman using her reach for literature, for thought, for softness in this age is quite wild.
A league of extraordinary gentlewomen stands before us.
Best the world give them the stage to move it right.
Yours,
G
