Dating apps are not designed to work .
Tinder, Bumble, Viber, Facebook Dating — let me tell you!
In July 2024, my six year relationship with someone ended. After 17 years coming from 3 failed relationships, I am now single.
I was bored and hopeless so I finally gave in to trying out dating apps. Well, I first tried it in 2020 after a brief break up but it did not prosper. As you may know the popular ones — tinder and bumble then came facebook and viber who joined the club in popular dating apps. There are other apps but have similar experience to cater.
The problem with these dating apps is that these apps are not built for success — by success means there is little chance you get the match you really like or that is meant for you. If you are patient and committed to it, it will be a rare to have that “match” as hallelujah!
Why is it not built for success you may ask? Because dating apps are only built in one layer of finding your match. And that layer is the general information of the person on the surface — the face, the job, the hobbies, what does the person wants, etc. Literally it’s “judging the book by its cover.” It will be a quick decision for you to swipe right if you like that information or swipe left if you don’t.
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When I decided to use dating apps, what I have in mind was to collect qualitative data. I payed attention to information presented by users on the apps, I talk to people I matched, and other information I will be sharing for a different publication.
To extend the research, I go beyond other platforms to connect with these dating apps. I found some web apps that allows anonymous conversations with strangers if you both agreed to have a conversation. At first I was skeptical because a lot of people in these type of platforms are horny people — they just want to find people they can ask to jump off the platform and continue their conversation elsewhere. But sometimes I got lucky to talk to people who are not there for sex or other horny stuff to do but only there to find someone to talk to.
For months, I felt like a therapist talking to strangers, listening to their thoughts and felt better that I get to talk to strangers and like them. Yes “like” them — without knowing who they are, their real identity, I got to like them for the brief conversation we had.
It finally hit me! It might be the missing layer in dating apps. Finding the right match should not be based on information on the surface because these information does not reveal the true nature of the person. My experience on that anonymous chat platform made me realize that the first base in finding your match is liking the person in conversation — that is the initial compatibility in communication.
If the conversation is successful, you may decide to finally reveal your face and jump off to your social media platform where you both can finally see those information on the surface. It is not a guarantee success. In my experience, after seeing the person after talking to them, I can instinctively feel if I have the attraction to that person or not.
This year, I saw some new dating apps have implemented the idea of conversation first approach in dating and I do hope it becomes successful so that the old dating apps like tinder and bumble will follow through and change their platform’s approach in dating that’s start online.
I have more insights to share from the two years of using the traditional dating apps. Let me synthesize it first and share it to you next time.
