Does a meatloaf sandwich mean I’m old?
I remember in the late 80’s turkey burgers became a thing. They were touted as healthier, but were always dry and pretty tasteless. Despite that, I’ve continued to like ground turkey and have been making some iteration of a turkey meatloaf for many years. I made this the other night and ate it the following day open faced over a slice of toasted sourdough bread, and it was amazing! The key is to add grated zucchini which helps keep it moist.
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Preheat oven to 375. Combine 1 lb. ground turkey with 1 C. grated zucchini, 1/4 C. finely diced onion, 4 finely diced mushrooms, 1 egg, 1/4 C. Panko, a pinch of salt and pepper and a tsp. of Italian seasoning. Mix until thoroughly combined and shape into a loaf on a Silpat covered cookie sheet. Combine a couple Tbs. each of bbq sauce and ketsup and spread over the loaf. Bake for 35–40 minutes. You can also roll these into meatballs and cook in the air fryer on 385 for 12–15 minutes.
Today I’m listening to an old album from my childhood called The Art of Tea by Michael Franks and thinking about a lot of the messaging I heard growing up. Primarily the messaging about weight and it’s direct correlation to love. I have never known a woman in my family to not be on some sort of diet. My grandmother, mother and her 3 sisters were forever on a diet, always looking to slim down. I was told explicity that “ no man would ever love me if I was fat”. I think I was in middle school. I remember having my thighs squeezed looking for cellulite. In high school, I was weighed every week on my parents scale in their bathroom and a chart of my weight was kept atop their toilet. Needless to say, I grew up with very specific beliefs about body size and love. I have “watched what I ate” for as long as I can remember. Foods were either good or bad. I’ve sat in 12 step rooms, tracked calories, starved, binged and weighed myself sometimes 10 times a day. I called it praying to the altar. My day was predicated by the number on that scale.
One of the changes I’ve made since moving here is that for the first time in my life I am not dieting, tracking points, calories or weighing myself. It feels uncomfortable and I’m trying to enjoy food for what it is, which is also incredibly uncomfortable. I am also thinking about what it would look like to accept my body and appreciating it for all that it does. I listened to a wonderful podcast called The Happiness Lab the other day. Lori Santos interviewed a psychotherapist named Andrea Wachter who discussed how to change this pattern. What struck me is when she talked about what it would be like to feed someone you loved. Would you feed them a banana and send them on their way? No, you would make them a meal with love, and foods that are delicious and considerate. I have been thinking about this concept for myself.
I have spent a lifetime of believing certain thoughts and I am just now reconsidering if these ideas are true and if they fit anymore. Another of the many new things that I’ve been able to make space for since our new nest. I was worried about having too much time on my hands when the girls left, but I find that my days fly by, and my mind has so much more time for introspection in a way that wasn’t available before.
