The birth of resistance
***This is an excerpt from The People United: A Memoir of Hope and Resistance During Trump’s First Term, now available at Bookshop, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other ebook vendors.***
I walked into my daughters’ room and over to the crib. It was still dark out, but the bedroom night-light shone bright enough for me to see five-month-old Hazel kicking off her swaddle from the night before. This morning was a bit of an anomaly in our house — of the two of us, I was the one who had woken up crying.
The night before, Katherine walked into the living room to find me watching election returns. “I didn’t think I’d be this nervous,” she said. Normally upbeat, she had been in an even better mood than usual since the Chicago Cubs won the World Series five days earlier — their first since 1908. Katherine was born and raised in St. Louis, so it was a minor scandal in her family that she was a fan of her hometown team’s archrival. She chalked her Cubs allegiance up to being the youngest of eight children and wanting to do something different from the rest of her family. The Cubs’ win continued a streak of what had been a good year for us — I started my dream job in March, and our family grew to four in May as we welcomed Hazel.
“I’m sure it will be fine,” I said. “It’s too early for any pivotal states to have been called.” This was November 8, 2016. We’d find out soon whether Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump had won the presidency.
The night was young and the early states to watch were North Carolina and Florida. There were rumors Clinton could win North Carolina. Barack Obama won it in 2008, but it flipped Republican in 2012. Still, with Trump on the ticket, some solid Republican states may have been up for grabs. In my opinion, Trump shouldn’t receive 100 actual votes, much less 100 electoral votes. But ever since I had started voting in 1996, a large portion of the American voting public voted for either the Democrat or the Republican, regardless of the individual’s qualities or policy proposals. That meant every election was likely to be close. So I reminded myself that winning North Carolina was aspirational. Trump was doing better in some parts of the state than had been expected. Running strong in a somewhat reliable red state wasn’t that big of a deal. I was confident the true toss-up states would turn out for Clinton.
Our attention turned to Florida. Florida was a must-win for any Republican to have a chance at winning the presidency, and polling indicated a close contest. Clinton winning Florida would slam the doors shut on the likelihood of Trump winning. But a Trump win in Florida portended a difficult night for Clinton across the rest of the map. Chuck Todd, one of NBC’s political reporters at the time, was discussing vote returns across the state. The winner wasn’t yet clear, but Todd was frenetically highlighting specific counties and turning to talk to the other hosts about the number of votes that remained to be counted. Todd kept circling counties and talking about Trump overperforming expectations in Republican strongholds, then cycling through Democratic strongholds to show that there weren’t enough potential Clinton votes left to overtake Trump. Todd’s co-hosts barely concealed their shock and horror at the scene playing out in front of them, but Todd was almost gleeful as he geeked out over the vote tallies. Unreasonable or not, I’ve never forgiven him for that.
It was during the discussion of Florida that I started pacing. I noted that the Blue Wall strongholds of Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin hadn’t been called yet. This was a concern. A Republican winning these states was a fantasy in 2008 and 2012, and they were never seriously contested. But what if cracks were forming? Clinton losing one Blue Wall state would be bad but not the end of the night. Losing all three meant she had no path to victory. In the last week of the campaign, Clinton visited Michigan to shore up her support. Should she have also gone to Wisconsin? Much like in Florida, Trump was performing above expectations across the Blue Wall. I tried to calm down by telling myself there were plenty of votes left to be counted and later votes tended to break toward Democrats.
The night wore on and the clock slowed as we waited for updates from the swing states. Florida was called for Trump. That didn’t give him the win, it just gave him a path. The election would come down to the Blue Wall states. Not too long after, Todd took what he had said about Florida and applied it to the Blue Wall — there may not be enough Democratic votes left to deliver the states to Clinton. I became nauseous.
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Katherine and I went to bed after midnight. Neither of us slept well. We woke up at 6, well before the girls. I don’t like checking my phone early in the morning, but I did that day.
“Well?” asked Katherine.
“It’s Trump.”
We cried.
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By the time I finished changing Hazel’s diaper, her three-year-old sister Nancy came out of their room, brushed her wavy blond hair out of her eyes, and took my hand as the three of us went downstairs for breakfast. Katherine was in the shower. I fixed Nancy’s cup of milk and Hazel’s formula. Once Nancy had taken a few sips, I knelt next to her.
“Nance, do you remember yesterday, when we went to vote?”
“Yes. You voted for the woman, not the bad guy.”
“That’s right.” My voice cracked. “I wanted to tell you that even though we didn’t want it to happen, the bad guy won. And he’s going to be the president in a couple of months.”
I wiped away the tears welling up in my eyes. Nancy wasn’t sure how to respond. She didn’t understand national politics, but she knew her dad crying at breakfast was not normal. “You don’t have to be concerned,” I told her. “Mom and I will worry about the president.” I cleared my throat. “Would you like some toast?”
