Cria : Forgive, but never forget insults
People forget favors easily, but insults even more so.
– La Rochefoucauld
François VI, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613–1680)
“People forget favors easily, but insults even more so.”
– La Rochefoucauld
We’ve all heard the old saying,
“Write kindness in water, but carve resentment in stone.”
Now compare that with La Rochefoucauld’s take… half right, half wrong.
Why is that?
For those unfamiliar with La Rochefoucauld’s razor-sharp maxims, this quote might sound absurd.
We all know people forget good deeds, sure, but insults?
Forgotten easily?
Somewhere deep in Cria’s prefrontal cortex, a light flickered on, finally.
Truth is, I have forgotten insults.
Worse, forgetting them led to second, even third helpings from the same offenders.
So why do we forget insults so easily?
Because for humans, just like repaying kindness, reliving insults, reigniting anger, and sharpening our revenge knives is sheer emotional labor.
And labor leads to avoidance.
To avoid it, we humans run straight into the arms of that old survival mechanism, amnesia.
Let’s face it, we are forgetful creatures by design, genetically selfish beings pre-programmed to erase painful memories just to survive this brutal world. Now, do you see why you’ve been forgetting all those snubs?
Think about all the verbal abuse from bosses, the heart-piercing wounds hurled by family, the tyranny of petty tyrants in power, and how easily we shrug it off and move on.
“Bad memory.”
That was Ingrid Bergman’s one-liner when asked the secret to happiness. The elegant, scandal-ridden screen siren of the silver screen summed it up in two words.
But here’s the rub. In our SNS-fueled world, forgetting insults for the sake of inner peace can leave you with nothing but glorious scars.
So here’s the deal, you must remember.
Start by drawing a line.
Define how far others can go before they cross your boundaries.
And when they cross them, don’t forget.
Remember.
Not for cursing or vengeance, relax.
We both know that rage, resentment, and curses poison no one but the person who holds them.
Investing in such energy is a bankrupt emotional economy.
There’s no manual for setting your own boundaries.
Why?
Because we all are limited-edition humans with different breaking points.
You’ve got to write your own damn guidebook.
And when someone violates your boundaries?
Don’t hesitate.
Get Cria’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
Raise hell in high heels, elegantly.
Once you get this, you’ll realize how pointless this common self-doubt question is…
“I got hurt by what happened… am I just too sensitive?”
Nobody but you can feel your wounds.
So stop asking others to measure your pain.
Humans are often petty, probing how much they can bend you before you snap.
And don’t forget, we’re the species that bites the hand that tries to save us.
Especially beware when helping people in crisis.
They might subconsciously try to drag you into their misery with them. Water ghost tactics, as I call it.
So if you want to help, check your own standing first.
If you lack power, fame, or money, your help may go unappreciated, or worse, be mistaken for desperation.
That’s the dark little twist of human nature.
People down on their luck may unconsciously pull you down too.
So help only if you’re stronger, a professional, a lifeguard, a solid rock onshore.
Take those celebs with their masked arrogance in humble garb.
When they offer even crumbs of kindness, people swoon.
Why?
Because when the powerful are kind, it glows with value.
When the powerless are kind?
It gets ignored.
Be kind, generous, forgiving, but do it when you’re strong.
That’s when it counts.
That’s when it’s cheap and dazzling.
If you’re in the same struggling boat as the one you’re trying to save, pause. Think again.
Today’s post?
It’s not “Fuel your rage and burn with revenge.”
It’s about remembering La Rochefoucauld’s wise insult wisdom.
This isn’t about nurturing self-pity.
That’s the least productive response to pain, just spinning in circles with ghosts of the past.
Dump self-pity in the black hole of your past and get out of there.
The essence of this reflection is not to fuel anger or resentment,
but to emphasize the importance of remembering insults.
Not to dwell on them, but to learn and set boundaries.
Forgiveness is a choice, a path to personal freedom.
But forgetting insults can leave you vulnerable.
Remembering them helps you set boundaries and protect your well-being.
There’s a timeless motto for moments like this:
“Forgive, but never forget.”
Forgiveness is freedom, but don’t forget the insult.
© 2025 Cria. Original work. Sharing is welcome with credit.
