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Tonight my head is full. The only thing keeping me company is the sound of my keyboard. Tak. Tak. Tak.
Honestly, I don’t like writing. To me, writing feels like an old-fashioned activity, not something young people do at all. But maybe my old soul is starting to grow, because I’ve decided to accept that fact now. And tonight, I need somewhere to put everything down. Talk to my friends? I don’t want to bother them with same complaints again and again. Talk to my parents? I’m afraid I’ll just get a long lecture without teh answer I’m looking for. Ask an AI? Sometimes the response is so positive that it feels unrealistic. So here I am, writing.
My life is actually pretty “uneventful”. No relationship drama, no big conflicts. The most real problem I have day to day that my pocket money runs out fast. Most of the time, I’m the audience. I listen to other people’s colorful life stories and wonder: when is it my turn to move on to the next stage?
Honestly, I don’t even know what stage is. All I know is my friends seem to have found their paths, while I’m still at the main menu, unsure which character to pick.
I’m also a bit of contradiction. I love lively, fun crowds, but I also need peaceful silence, like tonight, that’s when my head gets loud. Maybe it’s because I don’t know where I’m going, while it feels like everyone else is already moving.
Sometimes I wish the world worked like a video game, where you could change the settings however you like. Unfurtunately, the real world has no checkpoints to start over from, let alone extra lives. Once, it’s game over, that’s it. I think that’s an unfair and boring concept. So all my wild imagination and ideal scenarios stay locked away in my dreams.
Then one day, one those life stories came straight to my phone. My friend sent me a message: “I realized I’m privilaged.”
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My first reaction was: wht did it take you this long to realize? From what I could see, she had lived her life with plenty of resources, without having to work hard for the important points. If life is a game, she has an infinite boost, while I only get a free boost from waching ads. She lives life by her own standards. I live this monotonous life while getting past a lot of big rocks.
My big rocks looks small: my monthly money. Every mont I get sent a set amount, and it has to last until the end of the month. My plan? Buy basic groceries and cook for myself to save money. That’s the plan in my imagination. In reality, I buy huge takeout portions, eat once a day, and snack on food that is cheap and tasty. Then in the middle of the month, I realize: my money is almost gone, and my health bar is almost empty.
Do i regret it? Yes. Do I treat it as a lesson? Yes. But I still repeat in the next month. I’m sorry, I’m so easily tempted by the smell of good food.
Sometimes I think: if only I could go back to the beginning of the month. But I can’t. And my situation can’t change instantly either.
That’s when I realized something I’m not so happy to admit: not all of my big rocks come from outside. Some of them I made myself. So comparing boosts with my friend doesn’t get me anywhere. She didn’t choose her starting point, and I didn’t choose mine. All I can choose is my next step, and it can be as simple as actually cooking for myself this week. And honestly, my friend’s message was a step too. It takes honesty to admit something you hadn’t seen before.
This real world, which I can’t tweak, does feel boring. But precisely because there’s no restart button, every small step matters. A slow step still counts. A big rock I manage to get past still counts. I still don’t know what the next stage is, but while I figure it out, my small steps are still being counted.
Hi, I’m Rifas. I’m someone whose life feels monotonous, and I’m learning to accept how it goes. This is my first post, a small step to celebrate a simple life, a noisy head, and a learning process that is still going on.
If your life were a game, what boost do you have, and what big rock are you getting past right now?
