Chapter 1.
The light gently streamed into the room, faintly illuminating the pale green of its walls.
I was sitting on the bed, taking in everything around. The smooth linoleum floor pressed to the soles of my feet. The bed was so soft that I could feel myself sinking into it. I scanned the room for every detail. The desk in the corner was completely bare, and next to it a locked cupboard from floor to ceiling but no wider than a pair of shoes. Directly opposite me were two chairs, simply designed with wooden frames and thin padding. I stood up from the bed and took a long stretch. First my arms directly upwards, with my hands clasped together. My chin moved upwards and I rotated my head from side to side. My neck popped and cracked as it always did and, as I breathed deeply, I moved onto my tiptoes. The breath moved through every part of me as I noticed the countless sensations across the entirety of my body simultaneously. I noticed everything. I felt everything, deeply.
I looked over my right shoulder towards the window. I wandered over and crouched down, laying my elbows on the windowsill for support. The window had a thin grate on the outside, but I could still make out the scene. It was a spring day in the late afternoon. The sunlight was warm but fading as sunset was approaching. I peered toward a small courtyard, with unfamiliar buildings surrounding it. In the middle stood a tree, around three stories high. I watched as a bird carefully prepared its nest just below my eye-level.
“Ray?” A soft voice called behind me, breaking me out of my trance.
I turned around to greet the voice. Two men let themselves into the room. One man in his mid-fifties, with long, gray-black hair and a short goatee. He looked like he could be in a motorcycle gang, but had a friendly face. The other was tall, thin and in his early twenties, and kept a typically stoic, nordic expression.
“How are you doing?” The elder of the two asked with a note of sympathy in his voice.
“I’m doing great! This is a totally new experience for me. It’s really interesting. This room is pretty basic but it’s a gorgeous day outside. Have you seen the birds building a nest in that tree out there? What a wonderful world we live in” The words were flooding out of my mouth, and I couldn’t stop smiling. “I mean it’s been a pretty long day. It’s been really wild. But I just think I know now that everything is going to be okay, you know?”
“That’s… that’s just great, Ray” He responded hesitantly. “How about we sit down over here and we have a chat?” I promptly took a seat as the two men sat in the chairs opposite. “How about you tell us what’s been going on the last few days?”
“Well… That’s some story. It’s kind of been everything and nothing at the same time. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah. That sounds… overwhelming. How about we just focus on today?”
“Sure. Today has been really not what I expected! Last night, I was given these pills to help me sleep — because I felt like I had no reason to sleep — and they worked. I woke up feeling great, and I had an appointment with a psychologist. I knew that I had booked it in but I honestly felt like it was unecessary. The sleep seemed to help me get back on track.
Anyway, I got there and you know I was running late, the elevator was taking a very long time so I decided to just run up the stairs. No big deal, at least I thought. Then I bumped into one of the psychologists on the way up the stairs. I was all sweaty and out of breath and could see how this would make a bad impression, I tried to explain but I think I just made things worse. I could see by the look on her face that straight away, she thought I was out of my mind”.
“Mhhmm. And were you out of your mind?”
“That’s a great question! Well, I didn’t think so. I don’t know. I felt, and I still feel, just… so alive. Like I’ve figured everything out. The secrets to life were hidden inside me somewhere, locked inside a cage in the deepest caverns of my mind… and I had suddenly been given a key.” I caught myself as I said that. “I get it, that does sound like something a crazy person might say. But it feels so true. And I think I can prove it.”
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“Ok — how can you prove it?” The biker challenged. Not in a mocking way, but out of genuine curiosity.
“Well, for one thing, I’m pretty sure I outsmarted that other psychologist who came in. It was really weird. I was having a chat with the others and telling them about what’s been going on. It seemed to be going fine and then this guy just barged in. He sat himself down and told me that I had to go to the hospital. I just felt that he was being really aggressive, so I pushed back. I told him there was no way that I was going to check myself in. We went back and forth like this for a while until I realised what his problem was… it was around midday and he hadn’t eaten lunch. So I told him that and that he should calm down, and have a lunch break. And he did!”
“Right, but you’ve ended up here. So he must have convinced you?”
“I can see why you would think that. But no. It was my mum who convinced me. She called and told me it couldn’t hurt. Either way, I just feel so perceptive now. I feel like I can understand people much better. I think I can help people.” This triggered a chain of thought in me. Ideas were forming rapidly, effortlessly. Almost simultaneously.
I thought about my newfound understanding of the world, and my love of humanity. About the greatness that I could bring if only I could share this with everyone. I wanted to stand at the top of a mountain and declare it to the world. That they didn’t have to keep fighting with one another, that they could learn to love one another. That we could all work together to solve the great problems of our time and everyone would benefit. I felt like I had been given an opportunity to share a message at a time when it could not be more vital. And that, perhaps, people would listen.
But where was it coming from? Was it really there all of the time, but locked away? Or was something — or someone — speaking to me now? I thought about others who must have felt this way before, but were locked away. Like me. People whose wisdom was lost because the clinical and scientific nature of modern life had no place for them. I thought about what happened to these people before the advent of modern science and of modern medicine. What would come of people who were manic? Were they always just outcasts of society? Or were they listened to back then? Perhaps they were prophets… people who had discovered the true nature of our reality… just like me.
And what would happen now, today, if someone claimed to be a prophet or even if they had just declared that they had gained an unrivaled understanding of the universe? No one would believe them. They would be abused, shouted down and told that they were insane. This thought lingered in my mind.
I spoke, with a wry smile “You know… There’s a funny thing that I was thinking about”.
“Go on”, the nurse nodded.
“When I was at school. I was very young, probably four years old or so, my dad would pick me up from school. And he had long white hair and a white beard at the time. And he would sometimes turn up wearing a white linen outfit. And you know what my friends at school said? That he looked like god”.
The nurses nodded. They were listening but they weren’t clear about where I was going.
I toyed with the thought, about what to say next. I couldn’t come right out with it. “Well… if my father is god. What does that make me?”
“I don’t know.” The older one responded “what does that make you?”
I must have looked perplexed. How could he not understand? I looked at the younger nurse. “What do you think it makes me? If my Dad is god. What does that make me?” I said, and I could feel a hint of anger in my voice. Could they really not understand this?
The younger nurse simply shook his head and shrugged. “No idea”.
I looked at the two of them, back and forth into their eyes. Did they really not get it? Or did they just want me to say it? I studied them for a moment more.
“Never mind. You wouldn’t understand.”
