Intermisson
I’ve been frustrated lately, not the normal kind but the kind that would not leave no matter what I do, it feels like a bad song that keeps playing on a loop and I just can’t seem to dispel it. I figured maybe social interaction would do me some good. It did not work.
I thought regular evening strolls would relieve me of this a burden and in doing so I have only found real life meaning to the saying “misery begets company” my thoughts at every moment overwhelm me and I can’t seem to find joy in the most mundane things.
Maybe it’s the heat, the erratic power supply that allows no form of productivity or maybe it’s just loneliness and my desire for physical connection. I crave warmth, not being manipulated towards a selfish purpose and autonomy.
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I would always wonder, is it the tiny eyes, the glasses, the messy hair or the tone of my skin that makes it feel like the one person you wish would see you can’t but then I look in the mirror and say nahh I look dashing ( humor me, it’s self motivation)
What is love? What is a crush? What does it mean to be so smitten with one person that you can’t see someone else that actually cares for you? You turn, put up walls, you read too much into them saving a snap in chat or the random my love statements (which I think should be government regulated by the way), and even in all of that it still feels like they don’t see like you see them.
Alas maybe that’s the beauty of the situation; not knowing, you have a chance to move on, to be untethered to them and to see if they are not actually your person and you are just suffering in vain.
But then. What do i know?
