Ugly.com
For many, many, years it’s been pointed out that I am ugly. Not all the time, and it’s also been pointed out that I’m good looking and handsome, but the times I’ve been called ugly are plentiful enough that I’m left under no illusions that at least 51% of the population look at me with some weird feeling of amazement and concern. And as we all know, 51% or more is the deciding vote.
I won’t bang on but I’ll say it started in secondary school. I was told I looked like Rocky Dennis, the fantastically ugly boy in Mask. His mum, played by Cher in the film, pays for a sex worker to sleep with Rocky. I think thats what happens anyway — I’m way too traumatised to watch Mask thanks to all the cruel jokes I was the subject of. Another was Sloth from the Goonies. In case you’re not sure, Sloth is the mishapen, wonky headed creature who lives in an underground lair. Yep, I was referred to as Sloth or Rocky quite a lot. My confidence was absolutely smashed to bits during this period of my life.
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Its worth pointing out that I’m not really sure I was a very nice person at secondary school either, and when I look back I realise that if I had been less of a dick to people then I probably may have given people the chance to see below the surface — but I’ve never wanted that, I guess.
Why am I writing this? Because I’ve decided that if society has decided that I’m ugly then I may as well make some money from it. I’ve been Googling “paid extras for movies” and “ugly models” and came across Ugly.com. The poster boy for Ugly.com is a fella who likely had similar experiences to myself at school and as much luck with the ladies in the years since. I should fit in well. I’m actually hopeful I can take his top spot there due to my belief that I am obviously more ugly than him or anyone else for that matter. (Disclaimer: my understanding and appreciation of how ugly I may or may not be fluctuates enormously, and in fact I’m pretty sure I have some sort of body dysmorphia).
The point is that there is a 30 second video to write, and I don’t know what to say! They want people that feel comfortable in their own skin, but I have no idea how much they want me to discuss my fabulous looks — if at all. I’m just writing this to see if it helps me process this weird task. Place yourself for a moment in the shoes of a person who is a) admitting they are ugly to themselves and b) making a video about them being ugly and emailing it to a bunch of strangers. I guess I should see it like I see this what I am writing now — a chance for people to see beneath the surface for once. Wish me luck!
