You Can Say No

June Valentine Ruppe

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Today my 12-year-old daughter went to get her ears pierced at a piercing and tattoo studio in Pittsburgh. The piercer sat her down and asked, “Do you know what consent means?” My daughter said yes. But the piercer, with gentleness and friendliness, kept going.

“I want you to know that even if you consent now, you can change your mind, okay? You can say stop when I get the needle out, or right before I put it in, or any time, okay? That’s your right…

I have been uncomfortable many times with doctors (both mine and my daughter’s ) and had them push forward or express irritation or even contempt when I said wait, or I’m not sure, or but what is this really, and I’ve left shaken or angry or upset with myself. Not all, but many. There have been times when I was just too uncomfortable to speak up or thought I already said yes, I can’t say no now.

And here this woman in a little tattoo shop in the working-class neighborhood of Millvale just nailed it, just clarified how this interaction can go down to give everyone autonomy and trust. It takes more time. It takes humility and listening. But what a gift for my daughter, to be told, you can walk out. You can trust your body. You can say no anytime, and you should! I wish I’d had that thirty years ago.