Femininity vs Masculinity
Until a few years ago — no, let me be honest — until yesterday, the 6th of February 2025, I carried a rather ignorant vocabulary around femininity and masculinity. Femininity, to me meant — gentleness, kindness, vulnerability, weakness, basically anything “female-ish” — now whatever that supposed to mean. Masculinity, on the other hand — aggression, power, strength, violence, oppression, anything “male-ish” again, whatever that even mean.
So, whenever I watched people on internet speak of embracing both their femininity and masculinity, it felt absurd. Why would anyone want to embrace weakness and balance it with oppression? It didn’t make any sense!
Why? Because —
The definition that I held of femininity and masculinity was purely based on what I was taught as a child. I was told that femininity means everything associated with women, and masculinity is everything associated with men. Therefore, whatever most women around me did or went through, I associated with femininity, and whatever the majority of men around me did or went through, I associated with masculinity. I also saw that the world is mostly ruled by men. Hence, as an ambitious child, I decided to adopt the same qualities as men — simple math, right?
But boy! Was I wrong!
Being masculine — that is, my definition of masculine — was exhausting, because I had to be aggressive toward my goals and bottle up my emotions, since vulnerability only meant defeat. Gradually, I was worn out like an overused tire. Though I was almost on the verge of being torn into pieces, I was still reluctant to be feminine — embracing vulnerability — because, back then, it was not an option for being successful.
Also, being vulnerable felt like a betrayal to my forbears who sacrificed their lives so that girls like me could be liberated from all kinds of shackles and have equal rights as men. So, embodying vulnerability and weakness would only mean being a failure and a huge embarrassment to all the bloodshed.
So, I needed to man up — to make every drop of blood, sweat and tear count. Although, not realizing that my forebears fought for equal rights not for women to turn into men.
But then I thought — how the heck are all these women in power holding up? Do they not find masculinity exhausting? Are men not finding masculinity exhausting? I mean, they are humans as well, aren’t they? They do have souls, don’t they? I was sure I was missing something… clearly, my definition of femininity and masculinity was not helping me in any way.
So, I decided to look it up, and within a few seconds of internet browsing, I realized how utterly wrong I was! My whole life was a misunderstanding.
When I typed “What is femininity?” on YouTube, I found many people who defined and explained both femininity and masculinity in a simple manner. One of the videos I would recommend to anyone like me is the TEDx Talk titled “We Need to Restore Femininity” by Michelle Miller, the author of The Underwriting. She began her speech by defining both the qualities in her words, and that is —
Femininity is more experience oriented. Whereas Masculinity, is more results oriented. All the words that we associate with Femininity such as sensitivity, compassion, beauty, and creativity, they only matter if we are invested in the experience of a situation. All the words we associate with Masculinity like focus, competition, aggression, and logic, only matter if our priority is on the results of a situation.
In other words, if you drink your coffee for the flavor and the taste and the ritual of it, that is for the experience of the coffee, that is a feminine way of drinking coffee. If you drink coffee for caffeine as we do many times a day, that is for the results of the coffee, that is a masculine way of drinking coffee.
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Damn! Isn’t it eye-opening? What we must notice here is that — nowhere did she mention that femininity means weak, vulnerable, or oppressed, or that masculinity means oppressor, power, or violence. It was only then that I realized the words I used to define these two qualities were merely human characteristics, emotions, desires, and some were just pure evil.
Now I understand why some women and men on the internet want to balance their feminine and masculine energy…
Because both femininity and masculinity have nothing to do with gender or the belief that “being vulnerable means failure.” It’s just that sometimes you need to embody femininity because of the purpose you are pursuing, and it doesn’t matter whether you are a man, a woman, or any other gender you identify as. Similarly, sometimes you must embody masculinity because of the purpose you are pursuing. And it’s better to balance them both to live a good and healthy life. It’s that simple!
So, I got to learn recently that — being vulnerable, or processing emotions, it’s okay to be not okay — has nothing to do with whether one is feminine or masculine, it is just something everyone must embrace, because it is part of basic human life and nothing to do with gender.
So, if you are feeling low, weak that is okay as everyone goes through such things and all you need to do is rest and pick yourself back up. And that is why women in power still thrive in their field. Because they know that taking care of mental health is basic human need and it has nothing to do with you being weak. And aggression towards your goals is good but not to an extent that it would drain you.
And everyone must learn to balance both their feminine and masculine side to live a better life. Once again, their definition is NOT weak and oppressing, respectively. They simply mean experience oriented and goal oriented, respectively.
Of course, there is more to what femininity and masculinity are. However, this is just the start of a new journey to me.
Until then, let me know — what do you guys think about this?
Also, if you are looking for the ted talk that I mentioned above, please
Just letting you guys know that I am also an author of the book “Imperfection” a collection of poems on Love, Loss and Growth. Overall, poems are about — embracing your imperfections, as that is the only way to live a perfect life.
Click Here for eBook. So, you can read it for free on Kindle Unlimited or it is only Rs 101/-
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Please do give it a read. And share your review.
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